Mark's Meanderings

Moving over to wordpress

2010-09-06T16:13:00.000-07:00

I'm moving over to wordpress. I'm going to keep my content here but it's not going to get updated. If you are still interested in what I have to say, please find me at: http://markdeso.wordpress.com/

What I want out of life

2010-07-26T08:12:00.000-07:00

what i want out of life is to live......think, discuss, explore, make something with my hands, learn something new, see something beautiful.....everyday
- Anonymous

This could just be my favorite quote. This will be my charge to my son and my son's children.

Finishing the Couch to 5K program

2010-07-23T17:55:00.000-07:00

"If you can breathe in and breathe out, then you know for that moment you are ok."

- Thich Naht Hanh

I finished the Couch to 5K running program today. Contrary to it's claims I am not running 5K. I am running about 2.2 miles now continuously for 30 minutes. I have NO qualms whatsoever with the fact that I am not running 5 kilometers at the end of this program. I've not run consistently for more years than I could count on my fingers and toes. I am grateful to the people that came up with the program and the developers that brought the app to my iPhone. Seriously, this is the best 3.99 I've spent. Certainly the best decision I've made to stick with the program and be faithful to the incremental increases in running duration.

If you are interested in finding out more about the program you can browse to the following links:

http://www.c25k.com/

http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

I love metaphors and can find them in most everything that I do. What i found about running is that it is rich with them. I usually run with music from my iPhone. Today I ran silently. I was tired, and around the last 10 minutes of my run, I started getting overwhelmed. I didn't want to finish because of all the distance I had to cover in the last few minutes. I wanted to walk back home and go to sleep. However, I decided not to worry about the distance, I just had to worry about taking the next few steps. I'd set my site on just a few yards ahead, an acheivable goal, and make it that far. When I got close, my eyes would shift to another few yards. I did this again and again until my run was over. Small achievable goals. Bite size goals... i can do that. I don't have to look at the big picture.

I have started to do some transformation physically, losing weight, feeling myself get firmer. Through consistency over the last 9 weeks, I went from not being able to run 2 or 3 minutes, to being able to run 30. It's not a marathon, I know this. But if anything, it's a model. It proves to me that if I show earnest discipline, am willing to make changes, then I can in fact transform the physical. If I can do that to the physical, then I certainly have a model for my spiritual and emotional side as well.

This is some terribly obvious stuff, but for me, it's good to have these models around. Sometimes it's hard for me to see the forest from the trees. I get boggled down and mired in things that take my mind away from what is truly important. So again, I can look to my running, my Aikido training, my guitar playing and see that consistency, practice and discipline make a world of difference in producing good things in my life.

Things I (re)learned on my summer vacation...(with inspiration and apologies to Pastor Bey)

2010-06-28T08:21:00.000-07:00

I am writing this from Leah's Desk. She is at work and I am here for my last day in Marion, IA. On my last day, I dried hers and my clothes at the laundry mat, went to The Country Kitchen for breakfast (try the country fried steak benedict, if you ever get here!) Given that she is at work, I am doing exactly what I want to do on my last day: inhabiting her house, feeling her spirit, closing my eyes and seeing her and her kids running around the place, remembering all those moments, fun, crazy, tender, and intimate moments.

I had the opportunity this past week to share in a truly joyous event: the wedding of one of Leah's closest friends, Amy Lewis. Her husband Scott and she got married on a hot Iowa Saturday at Westminster Presbyterian Church in Cedar Rapids. I had only met the both of them once before, at an Art show a little more than a month before their wedding and had not met their friends. Spending time with them through the rehearsal dinner, the wedding and their beautiful reception shows me how obvious their love for each other is. I was thrilled and honored to be Leah's guest through this beautiful event.

Some of the things I learned (or keep on learning more and more as I get up into my late 20s):

Be chivalrous in all that you do. When your beautiful partner asks you to get in line again at the buffet line for her because she wants to try the pork loin, do not hesitate. (especially because their may be a nice pork treat for you.)

Love unabashedly. Love wildly. Look into your partners eyes as if you looked into them for the first time...everytime.

Never pass up an opportunity to tell her that you love her.

Never get sick of hearing the words, "I love you."

Be open, talk through things, grow and grow and grow.

Know in your heart that love knows no bounds, love can overcome distance, age, and time.

Be kind to those around you. Sow the seeds of friendship wherever you go. Allow your differences to be known, accept them as such and rejoice in them. I have had the opportunity to sow the seeds of friendship with people in the Midwest now that will hopefully span many beautiful and fulfilling years.

Be a man... a real man, and know that strength does not come through comparison of others, but through the act of polishing your spirit, everyday, every moment.

Be a man... a real man, and let the tears flow when they come to you. Do not hold them back. Know that it is okay for your loved one to comfort you in your times of trial and in your times of need. Know that it's okay if she's not around to still cry and know that if she were there, she would come to you, kiss away your tears and give you strength when you need it.

In a few short hours I will leave will leave the brick lined neighborhoods of Marion. I will leave the rolling hills and greenery of Iowa and go back to California where my wonderful son Steven, my home, and my Job is. Once I am off the plane, I will drive through the middle Peninsula part of the San Francisco Bay Area. I will drive through San Francisco, cross the Golden Gate Bridge, and drive through Marin County. Then I will be back home in the heat of Sonoma County, it's traffic, vineyards and redwood trees.

I will be back here in a month. Until then I will think of her and consider her in all that I do. I will love her from afar until afar becomes no more. I will love her unabashedly, love her wildly, and never miss the opportunity to say those oh so sacred words to her, "Leah, I love you." I know that she will never tire of hearing it.

The day before I left, we sat on the couch, Pink's "A Glitter in the Air" came on. I have thought that it was a pretty song but never spent time listening to the lyrics as I did then. The last verse will sit with me through my trip back home:

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight? Tonight

Life doesn't Happen in Hanmi

2010-06-07T07:31:00.000-07:00

The shomen at Centerfield Aikido

On Sunday, June 6th I had the amazing pleasure of training at Centerfield Aikido in Occidental California with Mary McLean Sensei. The dojo is a tent structure surrounded by the wooded hillside and at certain times of the day, the trees silhouette the ceiling and sides of the walls. Birds flying overhead provide moving silhouettes as they come over the ceiling. There is a magnificent shomen built by one of her students and lends graciousness and beauty to an already magical environment.

We trained and worked on yokomenuchi koto gaishi. First we we worked on the strike, then the throw, practicing getting off the line first and connecting with our partner and finally executing the technique. There were quite a few things I really enjoyed about her aspect of training:

As uke (the attacker), she suggested that while it's ok to give your partner something to work with, try to stay balanced so that I can receive anything my partner can choose to do and be ok with it. This means that although I'm giving forward intention, if my partner chooses to do another technique that brings me in a different direction, then I can go there equally as prepared as if he were to do the called upon technique.

She likened this to a conversation. Both as uke and as nage, if we get too enmeshed with the wrist or the throw itself, it's like opening up a conversation with someone with the only interest of proving your point. When we get too entangled, we don't listen to our partners and we cannot have a clear conversation. We don't hear the arguments because we are too embroiled in our own direction to go any other way.

All of this was great. However, I really enjoyed a quote she mentioned from one of her teachers, Terry Dobson, who said "Life doesn't happen in Hanmi." Hanmi is a stance used in Aikido and other martial arts. In the most literal translation, if we are about to be mugged or physically harassed in a street situation, we cannot ask our attacker to wait so that we can find our center and get into a defensive stance. By that time we are wounded, robbed or worse.

More often than not, we do not have that opportune moment to prepary ourselves to hear a hard conversation, to get accused, unjustly reprimanded, or be told something unexpected. Hopefully our training helps us be ready for life to come at us in any direction and allows us to find that balance so that we can go with it and act, rather than react, crumple or simply fall.

Uke, Nage, and the "what if" factor

2010-05-31T11:51:00.000-07:00

In Aikido, our practice is primarily done with a partner. In a typical Aikido class, the teacher will demonstrate a technique, call out the attack and the students will pair up. "Uke" plays the role of the attacker. "Nage" plays the role of the person responding to the attack. Usually, uke will attack times and then the partners will switch roles.

A typical question that comes up when we practice this way is "What if?" As in, "What if instead of coming in with a straight punch, I fake with the left and come in with the right." or "What if the person is stronger/shorter/taller/better/more fragile than you?" When we practice, uke's job is to give a good solid attack. That means that if we are instructed to throw a mune tsuki (a straight punch to the solar plexus area), then we follow through. We don't stop half way and change the attack as nage starts the technique. This allows nage to receive the attack fully and then perform the technique prescribed by the teacher as a response to this attack.

Aikido has been criticized by some for this approach. Some say that this does not present a realistic situation. I reserve my comments on the realism or lack thereof and would like to discuss another aspect that I feel is important aspect of practicing on the mat, but an even more important aspect of living our lives. That's trust.

In Aikido, we have to trust that our partners are going to do what we expect them to. If we do not trust that they will follow through on their attack, then we will not build up the confidence to respond in kind. There are many carry overs in life off the mat (aka the real world) where this is true. We have to trust that we can depend on our partners to be honest and trust worthy. We have to trust that our partners can and will come to us in our time of need, and ask us for help when they need help. We need to trust that our partners love us and support us as we love them. When we do this, it gives us the confidence to open our hearts and live our lives to the fullest.

It is human nature to ask "what if". In the myriad of experiences we have in our lives, there are an endless combinations of this question. As we see that our partners do what we trust them to do though, we allow ourselves to still the voice in our heads that ask, "what if?" and as we trust and show our partners worthy of trust, love happens, miraculously, beautifully and unending.

Dire Straights - How Aikido Saved Jean Maggrett's Life

2010-05-30T14:15:00.000-07:00

Although Jean Maggrett does not practice Aikido anymore, she frequently sits on our testing boards. At 81, Jean has practiced Aikido for 30 years. She is a student of Bob Nadeau, and a contemporary of my Sensei, Bob Noha. I have had the wonderful benefit of her perspective and guidance on both my second and first kyu tests. She is enthusiastic and encouraging to all who practice our art and is an advocate for the benefits that Aikido can bring you off the mat.

The story presented in this post is Jean's, published with permission from her on my blog. I am honored to be able to share this touching and poignant story.

Dire Straights - Jean Maggrett

From the time we were born, my brother Bill and I spent our summer holidays at a cottage built by our grandparents in Northern Michigan, near the top of the mitt where the great lakes of Huron and Michigan connect. Day-long beach picnics by Lake Michigan were a family ritual for four generations. We'd swim in the fresh, cold water, then gather around a bon-fire of driftwood to cook weiners and marshmallows while we watched the "million dollar" sunset over the water.

One summer when my brother was fifty-two, he suggested that we hike out the Waugoshance Peninsula which extends out into Lake Michigan, separating the straits of Mackinac from Cecil Bay. Appropriately, the area is called Wilderness State Park. There are few roads , no buildings or modern improvements, only a small parking lot at the end of a long gravel road.

With us on our expedition that day were Bill's eighteen year-old son Carl and Link, an old fraternity friend from college. My brother told us that he had flown over the straits and state park in a small plane and then dreamed of walking out to the point someday.

It was a beautiful summer Sunday in early August. Skies were blue, the water calm and clear, gently lapping the shore. On the bottom, brightly colored boulders seemed within easy reach but were deeper than they appeared.

We started hiking along the shore. It was a familiar environment though we'd never been at that particular beach. Sand pipers darted and tottered ahead of us at the edge of the water. A few sea gulls sailed above. The dry sand made a vibration noise as we trudged toward Waugoshance point. To the North, we gazed at the straits, to the South, Cecil Bay. The beach above North, we gazed at the straits, to the south, Cecil Bay. The beach above high water supported grasses and shrubs.

Eventually we discovered the peninsula was cut by a small, shallow inlet. It was fun to wade across. Soon after, we came to another similar inlet, wider and deeper then the first, but still easy to cross. At the next one, which was much wider than the first two, we gazed in dismay at the distance. We agreed to stop for a break, a snack and some discussion.

While sharing cheese, crackers, peanut butter and apples, Bill talked about how the land looked from the air. He assured us he remembered where there was a sand bar that he was certain we could find. He removed his long pants and I remarked about how his brightly patterned swim trunks that seemed to reveal a secret side to his ordinarily conventional engineer's exterior.

As we headed out into the water, the youngest of us plunged ahead, electing to swim the entire distance. The cold water quickly became deeper and I began to feel reluctant. When it reached my chest, I felt movement around my feet, then calves, rising to my hips.

At once, I yelled to the others that i was turning back. As I was bringing my legs up to the surface, I shot a quick glance around toward the shore and at Bill. He was shouting and fighting the water. His words were garbled but I made out the last one.

"...UNDERTOW!"

I felt panic close off my breath. Then suddenly, my Sensei (Aikido teacher) Bob Nadeau's teaching came to me as a transforming tide of ease: "Be okay with yourself, breath and flow." The panic was gone and I heard my inner voice say, " can be all right here for as long as is necessary," and I stretched out flat as a lily pad above the hungry undercurrent.

From that position, I wasn't able to look around or kick my feet. Only my hands moved me back toward the shore. I just gazed at the blue above, breathing and acknowledging for myself that I was okay.

After a while, I wanted to test the depth: If I had headed in the right direction, I should be near shore by now, I thought. Venturing to touch bottom, I dropped a leg down. Immediately, I felt the undertow sucking me down and the adrenaline rising in my throat. I retracted my leg and vowed to make no more tests but remain a lily pad until I brushed the shore. Moments later, I did touch land and stood up, looking out over the water. I could see Link twenty-five yards out and Carl a bit further.

Raising my arms above my head, I felt like a lighthouse signalling sailors in distress. I knew my brother drowned. Then I thought, no, he was swimming under water, and would surface any minute now. Then I realized the real truth was that Bill never came along with us on this hike.

Then in my mind's eye, I got a vivid picture of Bill emerging from the kitchen door of the cottage saying, "Hi! How was your hike?" Next came the thought that I had somehow got in the wrong location because the words were: I'm from California. I don't belong here and I must be leaving right away!"

Soon the other two survivors came out of the water. Carl's words cut my fantasies when he asked, "Where's Willie?" I said, "I'm afraid we've lost him."

Link described how he was near Bill when he hollered for help. He said he couldn't do more than advise him to take it easy and float on top of the water. Bill's panic paralyzed him, he sank and he was swept out with the current.

Link went back to the car to go for help. Carl and I stood on the beach and cried. Some other people appeared, walking nearby, unaware of the drowning.

Wouldn't they die if they knew what just happened?" Carl said. We walked in shock back to the parking lot. A medical emergency vehicle arrived and the driver gave us hope by saying frog men were about to fly in on a helicopter. When he was brought back up it might be possible to revive him due to the preservative quality of the cold water.

Four hours later my brother's body was found and flown to St. Ignace Hospital. We rushed there by car. A Doctor greeted us with the news that Bill could not be revived. His body had been moved to a funeral parlor across the road. We were to go identify the body.

There in a small room off the main office lay my brother looking very purple. His eyes seemed to have X's in them, like the dead birds in cartoons. He certainly was gone.

We drove home in silent dread. Upon our arrival back at the cottage, we would be calling Bill's wife Diane and our mother. I asked my aunt to make the call. The more people I told, the heavier I felt, until I finally just sank into sleep.

Shomen uchi

2010-05-29T20:09:00.001-07:00

In Aikido, a basic sword strike is called Shomen uchi. It is performed by raising the sword directly up above the head, and then striking down directly in front of you. There are many other arts that have a similar strike, kendo being one of them.

Our Sensei relays a story about a friend of his going to a seminar where visiting 9th dan kendo master was teaching. His friend was eager to find out what secret techniques he could glean and snuck in early to watch the kendo teacher warm up before the seminar started. He was surprised to see the teacher warming up by performing Shomen Uchi over and over again.

It's important to remember the basics and keep them in our practice always. Some of the basics in life:

I love you
I'm sorry
You can depend on me
I need help
Thank you
You're welcome

He ended class today with a zen quote that I really liked:
At first, I saw mountains as mountains and rivers as rivers. Then, I saw mountains were not mountains and rivers were not rivers. Finally, I see mountains again as mountains, and rivers again as rivers.

Everything comes back to our own versions of Shomen Uchi.

The Inevitability of Gravity

2010-05-23T10:19:00.000-07:00

One of the things I love about the Aikido dojo I attend is how Sensei relates certain themes and weaves them into several different classes. Lately he's been working with a theme he calls "dimensionality". The process is as follows:

We do a technique to establish a baseline. After we perform the techniques a few times with our partners, we start to process the following:

Lineage - what is the lineage of this technique? Lineage has some deep connotation in martial arts, so to clarify, it's simply "what do we do to prepare for this particular technique?" We could ask the same question, "what is the lineage of preparing for a meeting?" In essence, Sensei simply asks, how do we think of and prepare for this technique. How do we think differently about this technique than another.

Energies - Sensei will then ask us to think about the energies that we invoke to perform the technique. Do we feel earth, spiral, center? Can we relate it more to circular, triangular, square? Can we feel fire, water, or the energy of the void as we perform the technique.

Space - What is the space that we build in order to perform the technique. What does it feel like? Is it big, small, thick, airy?

The "I" - Because we do not practice Aikido in a vacuum, and these bags of bones and organs and blood have a spirit that provides guidance to the physical, what does adding the presence of what Sensei calls the "I", our unique physical experience as individuals, bring to the lineage and energies of the technique we are performing.

Innate Knowledge - As we go through this technique, what do we know about it that transcends words? How do we move from a perspective of innate understanding of a technique that we've worked time and time on the mat?

Citizenship - What is the sense of citizenship and ownership that we have as we have our partners inhabit the space we have created? Does it encompass and engage our partner? Is it inclusive? Is it exclusionary? Is it playful? Violent? Aggressive?

Saturday morning, he gave us a framework to work in, in this process. He asked us to view this from the perspective of earth energy. I had some interesting revelations going through this process. Earth energy for me begat gravity. I started to think of the inevitability of gravity. I started thinking of how, because of gravity and the limitations it brings, I will not fly, I'm weighted down, I'm burdened by this physical fact and cannot escape it.

As we processed and went through the class, my perspective changed to that of framework: rather than gravity being the inevitable, I started thinking not in terms of burden or limitation, but rather framework. Given the physical fact that there is gravity and gravity affects my existence in a very real way, how can I move through and what are the qualities of gravity that I can use, learn from, and grow with.

Finally, gravity simply just "is". It lost the forboding connotation of the inevitable, and lost the academic or opportunisting connotation of framework. It is a fact of life. It is all around and something to accept. I can feel limited by it, I can learn from it, but until I accept something that simply is, I will not benefit and grow.

The reason I'm talking about this has not a lot to do with Aikido, but rather some things that are going on in my life right now. There are somethings that I need to accept as fact. I can fear it, I can learn from it, but until I simply accept, I won't grow. In order for me to live my life to the fullest, I need growth in my life. Growth comes sometimes through painful realization, and is not always guaranteed. I wish that growth was inevitable, like gravity, but I am ok with the process as it stands...and I'm up to the task of growing my spirit and caring for my soul.

Road to 1st kyu is complete

2010-04-11T20:30:00.001-07:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
- 1 Corinthians 13:3

For the past 10 weeks our dojo has been helping two of us prepare for our belt tests. Linda tested for 3rd kyu and I tested for 1st. I decided to blog about my experience, more from a perspective of what kind of insight this experience gives me.

There were 3 things I wanted to accomplish:
consistency, gentleness and good technique. I think with out the first and the second, the third does me no good. I need to be consistent and I need to be gentle in my approach and manner in all that I do. After the test the testing board brings us out to talk about our test. I was very pleased when Sensei specifically remarked about my consistency throughout the test.

I had been training with a san dan at our dojo who agreed to be my uke. At literally the last moment, (we were in the middle of rolls warming up for our test) he said to me that his back was bothering him to the point where he could not be my uke. My uke has talked about doing the best with what's given you. This was an opportunity to do just that.

We are a small school so to replace him, I went through most of my dojo mates that came that day to watch. My son Steven even uke'd for me on a few techniques. As we reviewed my test, Sensei remarked that I showed good flow regardless of who I worked with, and adjusted my techniques to be appropriate to the uke's experience. I was very touched by his support and words. The board all had good things to say and I felt good about my performance.

I have posted my test on youtube. i'm wondering if I will have an onslaught of "that stuff just won't do against MMA." comments. Here's what I think about that: There were two peopl on our testing board that are up in their years. We have a woman who is 82. She does not train anymore but Sensei thinks enough of her to have her sit on our tests anytime she can. She is a testament to consistent training. We also have one of our black belts that still trains. He is 79, and still rolling around on the mat and throwing us with ease. I'm fairly certain that neither of these two fine people have had a fight in their life. However, when we see football players, wrestlers, and boxers who cannot train because of bad knees, hips or other casualties of their sport, we have people well into their 60s, 70s and 80s still training and still vibrant. This is of great inspiration to me.

If you teach someone to fight, then that's all they will do. However, if you teach someone to resolve conflict, become a bigger person, show love in the face of adversity, then you teach someone to tap into the greatness we all have.

I am grateful to my Sensei, my school and uke for their gracious support. I'm grateful to my son for his wondrous and unflinching support of his dad. Last but not least, I'm grateful for having a wonderful and amazing woman that has been there for me, cheering me on, inspiring me and loving me through this experience. Leah, you are my sun, moon and stars.

Road to 1st Kyu - the final stretch

2010-04-06T22:14:00.001-07:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

This has been a whirl wind couple of weeks. We have been really busy at work and I did not have a chance to train this weekend. I am taking advantage of the classes yesterday, tonite and thursday before my test.

I had an interesting revelation last nite. I don't really have to think. I just have to do what Sensei asks of me on my test and it will be alright. For me, it's not "can I" but "how well can I". I've thought a lot about the things important for me to express when I'm testing this Saturday. Ultimately there are 3 things I want to accomplish:

Good technique - I want to be able to demonstrate good form in my throws and techniques. The basics of any artistic or physical expression stem from good technique.

Flow and consistancy - I want to feel a connection with my partner and exhibit zanshin, awareness throughout the test. This means that as I finish one technique I still keep focus on uke and hold that focus till we bow out from our testing.

Most importantly, the spirit of loving protection - I've read once that the spirit of loving protection means that when we are in a conflict situation, we not only strive to protect ourselves from harm, but we strive to protect our attackers, even as they seek to hurt us. I want to encompass the spirit of loving protection and exhibit how this can be done on the mat. If I can practice these things on the mat, then I can learn to work this into my life, just that much more.

Tonight was an interesting and wondrous night at the dojo. I came in to find Charlie, one of our teachers, standing at the window. I asked him how he was doing and he said he had come down with a bad cold. He felt that he didn't want to touch the mats or have any human contact for fear that he would be contagious. He said, "You get to teach the class tonight...Lock up when you're done..." Wow... I was scared and at the same time very appreciative of the opportunity. So, we had five people come today including myself. We bowed in, and started. As it turned out, we worked quite a few techniques, we did some suwari waza, worked in a line and worked some interesting earth and heaven energy, did nikkyo into irimi nage, and I think that I did a pretty good job on short notice! I tried to stick to the basics, and show what I knew, not what I thought I knew or what i thought Sensei or Charlie would teach, bu what I knew. The end result: I can see why people like to teach! It was a great and amazing opportunity!

So, as I finished my second to last class before my test, I feel that tonight was a really great gift. I'm appreciative of my dojo mates for putting up with me, and I am still high from the experience as I type.

Onegai shimasu!

Road To 1st Kyu - Week 8 day 1 - With open arms

2010-03-31T07:42:00.001-07:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

I've been thinking about some of our techniques that we do. They are truly unique from other arts. Most grappling arts concentrate on joint lock manipulation and pain compliance. Aikido, having transcended from Daito Ryu ju jitsu has many similar techniques.

This evening, we worked on suwari waza (more knee techniques) and variations. I'm still working at about 85% but everyday I feel just a bit better. For this test, I'm trying to concentrate on softness and gentleness. This does not come at the compromise of technique but rather an enhancement to it. It feels good to feel things flowing more and more easily, and it certainly feels good to meet a strike or punch with openness and gentleness. All of these things translate to affairs off the mat; not just conflict situations with bosses, family and friends but also with the ever growing need to expand these relationships and grow them.

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 7 Day 1 - The Dojo Hath Conspired...

2010-03-27T16:53:00.001-07:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

Oh my my... I've been sick. I don't think I've been this sick in a while. I had a brief reprieve last weekend, but relapsed for the next week. Aside from 2 hours at an Aikido seminar last sunday today was the first time I have trained in 2 weeks. Normally, every last Saturday of the month we have weapons practice. I thought that today would be a perfect day to come back and ease back into training... HA!

Sensei decided that, since we are 3 weeks out from my kyu test, if I showed up, he would skip weapons, put the mats down and focus on test preparation. So much for an easy class to get back into the swing of things. I'm actually very touched that he would forgo our weapons practice to support our testing efforts. It's one of the many reason I am a student of his.

Today, we worked on koshi nage (hip throw) as well as techniques from hanmi handachi. In Aikido and some other traditional Japanese martial arts, there are a series of techniques that are performed on the knees. Suwari waza is performed where both partners are kneeling. Hanmi handachi is performed with the attacker standing and the person performing the technique on their knees in tradiitional seiza position.

I've blogged about this a while ago as to the origins, but in brief these series of techniques where designed to defend against attackers coming in suddenly while the defender is conducting business, eating or sitting on the tatami mats back in the day when the traditional seiza position was the norm in Japanese culture.

The practicality of defending one's self against marauding hordes while in the middle of tea ceremony has past, but there are other reasons that we still practice these techniques. Techniques done from the kneeling position helps our standing techniques tremendously. Whatever weaknesses that we exhibit in a standing technique will be multiplied on the knees. Thus, if you can work better on your knees it will help the technique overall.

Today we worked irime nage, and the omote and ura versions of shiho nage. In anything we should measure our success by the progress we make, small or large. Shiho nage has been a strong technique for me standing, but in hanmi handachi, I seem to be all left knees. Today, I was getting it. I felt strong and sure today. It felt like technique flowed really well.

My son, who has his second degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, was happy a while ago because he just nailed his first 540 degree spin kick. Today, I was happy that I could feel shiho nage, so it's all relative. The point being, progress is always good at any level.

OH, and btw:

Dear Son,
Please, the next time Sensei demonstrates a throw on you, please refrain from saying "Oh snap." :D

Annnnd, Leah, you are my sun, moon and stars...

Road to 1st Kyu - week 6 Day 1 - if you can still inhale....

2010-03-20T08:17:00.000-07:00

...I will keep on practicing, not for the prowess in self-defense, not for rank or prestige, not even for the wonderful and life-changing lessons that flow from this art. I will practice Aikido for the sheer, unmitigated beauty of it.

- George Leonard, Way of Aikido

OK, I'm sick. My son brought home a cold the week before and I caught his. I got bad Wednesday, felt better Thursday, better yesterday and relapsed today. Apparently a frog has decided to possess my vocal chords and i'm hacking and coughing. Hence, I did not want to infect the dojo so I haven't trained all week . I'm unfortunately missing a seminar today with Nadeau Sensei and Heini Sensei that I really wanted to go to. If by some strange circumstance I feel better tomorrow I will take Steven and head over. They have a session from 10 to 12.

I'm at a really good place in my training right now. At this point, I'm not worried about my test. Regardless of whether I pass or fail, it will be fine. This does not mean I'm not concerned with performing to the best of my ability. It's nice to not have anxiety around this though. When our Sensei was asked with how he deals with a less than optimal day on the mat, he simply said, "it's only Aikido. No one got fired as a result of a bad performance. No one lost money, had tragedy, etc."

It's a nice place to be. I believe that the lessons we learn on the Aikido mat help us in other aspects. Thich Naht Hanh said, "if you can still inhale and exhale for that moment, you know you are OK." I've said before that Aikido is a microcosm of the world, so if I can be still and OK with however way my test goes, then I can be OK with other aspects of my life. I can know that regardless of the situation, I've given it the best of me.

So, hopefully I will feel better tomorrow. It would be regrettable to not get some training in this weekend but it's not the end of the world. I've not been on the same mat as Nadeau Sensei in probably 20 years. There's always another seminar though. If not tomorrow, then sometime soon.

Oh, and by the way. I'm trying out the kindle app for Windows Vista on my laptop. Before I bought anything crazy like an Apple Ipad (out next week) I wanted to see as to the readability of the kindle app. The quote I found was from George Leonard's book, "The Way of Aikido, Life Lessons from an American Sensei." I like that he has such a simple and down to the point writing style. More so, I really enjoy the quote. Aikido is a beautiful thing; whether realized on the mat, used to evoke a creative outlet, or to calm a not so calm situation.

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 5 Day 3 - all caught up

2010-03-14T13:58:00.001-07:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

"The purpose of training is to tighten up the slack, toughen the body, and polish the spirit." - Morehei Ueshiba

I seem to be playing catch up this week. Last nights post was for Thursday. Today's post is for our Saturday class.

We worked katate dori shiho nage, both the omote and ura versions, as well as more koshi nage techniques yesterday. I had the good fortune of working with a couple of the black belts on both of the shiho nage versions; one of which will be my uke for my upcoming test, the other will be on the testing board. I respect and welcome their critiques. They both are upping the ante as it were, and helping me pick up the finer points of these techniques.

Sensei is also very supportive of the testing candidates. He works with us so that we are performing these techniques at our appropriate level. "Mary had a little Lamb" sounds different when a piano student first starts on the piano keys, versus a few years in, where they can support the melody with chords and bass lines, versus when he turns into a master pianist, that can throw jazz chord substitutions, syncopate the melody and still have it be very recognizable as "Mary had a little Lamb".

So, Sensei and the other yudansha works with me at the level appropriate for my rank. Yesterday on the ura version of shiho nage, he was working with me to not turn my head and luck before I turned into the technique. There is a slight lapse in connection as I turned my head so he was trying to correct that.

The thing I enjoy most is the constant refinement. We can always polish technique and get it to be better and better. If this is the case, then we can polish and refine ourselves. God knows I need the refinement!

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 5 Day 2

2010-03-13T17:20:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

One of the things I love about Sensei is that he is an excellent story teller. He has had the opportunity to meet a lot of people in the martial arts community. His first T'ai Chi teacher was Robert W. Smith, who was a direct student of Cheng Man Ch'ing, and for a period of 2 years he studied with Cheng Man Ch'ing in New York.

Every so often Sensei will relate an anecdotal story to us. This evening, he talked about a story Robert Smith told him. Robert Smith had a friend, John. John was a gigantic Swed, 6'8" 280 lbs and a hardened war veteran. John was a hard core tough guy. One day Robert Smith arranged a demo from a Chinese martial artist. The martial artist proceeded with his demo and after, John turned to Robert and said, "Quite frankly, I'm not impressed."

At this point, Robert walked over to the person who gave the demo. He simply told him "My friend John would like to see something." His friend walked up to John, put his hand at his stomach, and made a cork screw motion. At first John just kind of wavered, and then he fell to the ground vomiting. At this point, Robert Smith walks over to John, leans over to him and says, "Did you want to see anything else?"

I love that Sensei has these stories he can pull out of his hat. He has many different sides to him, and story teller is definitely one of them.

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 5 Day 1 - Harmony,, Life Lessons and Mr Fogerson

2010-03-09T21:59:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

Harmony is an interesting thing. Musically, there are notes that are hit that, because of the frequency of vibration, appeal to our ears. We hear a major third, a minor sixth, a perfect fifth, and those two notes, played at the same time sound right to us.

So as we practice Aikido, how do we evoke harmony in our technique, and how do we use that as a model to extend out to the other aspects of our lives. We are sons, fathers, daughters, bosses, orphans, leaders, followers, friends. I find that there is a similarity between being present with my guitar, playing and not just hitting the notes, but really feeling a song, really expressing musically what is in my heart and soul, and being on the mat, really connecting with my training partners, letting the technique come out of the interaction between myself and my partner, rather than trying to force it.

So if I can find similarity with this, then I can extend this out and connect with my coworkers, my son, my lover, my family and some how find harmony there as well. All of the same ingredients that make for a well played guitar,or a good connection with my training partner can be used in so many other aspects of my life. Those ingredients: compassion, presence, feeling full and comfortable in my own skin, being open to the possibilities around me, listening and not waiting for my turn to speak.

Our class today was a small one. We had four people and Charlie who taught. We worked on shomen uchi ikkyo through yonkyo, yokomen uchi shiho nage and morote dori irime nage. Typically when we are working on test preparation, whoever is teaching that night will ask candidates to come up and perform techniques that they call out; a kind of "aiki pop quiz" if you will. I got a chance to work some variations today from both standing and kneeling positions. They feel like they are improving! Everyday that I train I'm excited.

For some reason, Mr. Fogerson is on my mind tonight. Before I saw "Above the Law" with Steven Seagal, George Fogerson was the person who introduced me to Aikido. Mr. Fogerson was the neighbor who lived across the street from me when I was a kid. He had three children, Amy, Karen and Dave, all around my age. We all used to play hide and go seek and whatever else while I lived there. I was 12 or 13 and George was training at Aikido West under Frank Doran Sensei. I remember him taking out his jo and swinging it around in his yard.

Mr. Fogerson showed me a couple of techniques that I didn't quite understand at that young age. However, I do remember being a bit fascinated by these strange movements. Mr. Fogerson planted a seed way back when, and now, 34 years later it is still growing. I have to credit him with my introduction to this wonderful art. I remember that he unfortunately had to quit at a certain point because it was hard on his knees.

I reconnected with Mr. Fogerson's kids on Facebook a little more than a year ago. Sadly, George passed around the same time. I remember him and always will. So, Mr. Fogerson, thank you for showing me those weird movements. You were the one that made me aware of this art.

Gentle reader, if you are wondering, yes, this is... this is a disjointed blog post. I suppose I have a lot on my mind. I wish I could say something more eloquent but simply put, tonight I feel and I want to get it out. Thanks.

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 4 day 3 - Train Joyously

2010-03-06T20:19:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

Train Joyously
- Morihei Ueshiba

Today's class was a good class. We worked on nikkyo ura and sSankyo Omote and Ura and koshi nage. We've done these techniques many times but it's always a good thing from time to time to pick these techniques apart from time to time. Sensei does a really good job explaining our techniques from a body to body perspective as well as on a purely physical perspective.

Signing off with the following thought:

"Train Joyously." If our world is our dojo what does that tell us?

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 4 Day 2 - The Tea Master and the Samurai

2010-03-04T22:42:00.000-08:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

One of my favorite short stories is the one of the Tea Master and the Samurai:

A master of the tea ceremony in old Japan once accidentally slighted a soldier. He quickly apologized, but the rather impetuous soldier demanded that the matter be settled in a sword duel. The tea master, who had no experience with swords, asked the advice of a fellow Zen master who did possess such skill. As he was served by his friend, the Zen swordsman could not help but notice how the tea master performed his art with perfect concentration and tranquility. “Tomorrow,” the Zen swordsman said, “when you duel the soldier, hold your weapon above your head, as if ready to strike, and face him with the same concentration and tranquility with which you perform the tea ceremony.” The next day, at the appointed time and place for the duel, the tea master followed this advice. The soldier, readying himself to strike, stared for a long time into the fully attentive but calm face of the tea master. Finally, the soldier lowered his sword, apologized for his arrogance, and left without a blow being struck.

There is a hidden moral of this story that I didn't get for a while, and that is: we all come with a certain mastery about us. Because we start one discipline doesn't negate that we have talents in a broad number of other areas. There are a couple of people that are new on the mat at our dojo that bring talents from other areas. One is a chiropractor, the other is an architect by vocation and a dancer by his avocation. As we start new ventures, new disciplines or tune up the ones we've been practicing for a while, we can draw upon our experiences in a vast number of other areas to help us with the frame work of the new disciplines we partake in.

For me, I find a lot of similarity in music to Aikido. I've been a guitar player for almost 35 years, and an understanding of rhythm, timbre and harmony, help me understand Aikido on the mat. Conversely, Aikido, and all of the things we learn on the mat about being present, being in an embodied state, and a sense of timing help me with as a musician.

Tonight was a good night. We had 12 people on the mat, a lot of folks for our space, and I really enjoy training with a full mat. We may not have the freedom to throw as fully as with less, but I like the energy that happens when you get that many bodies in a room. Before class, Sasun, one of our instructors met with me to work with me on some techniques for the test. He will be my uke for my kyu test and so we went over a few of the techniques that I will have to perform come test time.

So, time to hit the hay now. Till next time!

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 4 Day 1 - Grab My Wrist why don't ya?

2010-03-02T22:42:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

My mom asked where my monday blog was. It's um, Tuesday, so hence, we will not be having a Monday blog. let me submit my Tuesday blog post in it's stead :D

Today was a rousing class. There were only three of us and our teacher Charlie this evening. This evening we worked on variations from "ushiro" attacks. Ushiro translates loosely to "from behind". The attack happens in the following manner: Uke (the attacker) starts to walk around nage (the person being attacked) and first grabs nage's right wrist with his right hand. The intention is that as he walks around, he will attempt to grab the left wrist as he is behind you, and then do something nasty like throw you out of the bar you are in before last call. There are a host of techniques that nage can apply to defend against an attack like this. On the first kyu test I will be expected to do 5 variations both from standing and kneeling positions.

At this point I don't think I've talked too much about "why the wrist grab?" And further, there are people who say that there is no practical application to learning techniques from a wrist grab.

Aikido and many other related arts like ju jitsu practice techniques from a wrist grab to understand the bio mechanics of how the body moves. From the wrist grab, we can do techniques and get a better understanding of our bodies and how we can move our bodies, connect and blend with our partners and get a feel for how we can move our partners bodies through the act of connecting with them. This is a fundamental building block of Aikido and an important one.

If you are wondering where this originated from, keep in mind that Aikido is a synthesis of some older arts (daito ryu ju jitsu). The wrist grab in fact was a practical defense on the battle field. If someone found themselves unarmed against an opponent that still had their sword in their scabbard, they will attempt to grab the wrist to attempt a joint lock. Their opponent would have techniques that they could draw upon to escape the joint lock, draw their sword and dispense the enemy.

We also practice techniques on our knees. This had practical application back when the Samurai would be sitting in their house and all of a sudden the marauding hordes would storm the house. The Samurai would have to defend before he was able to stand so there was practicality in training on one's knees. These days, we practice kneeling techniques as a training device. Any technique that we have trouble with from a standing position will be amplified greatly when you are on your knees. If you can work techniques on your knees and get the kinks out, then it makes the standing techniques that much easier.

Why do I write this? Hell, I don't know. I love Aikido. Maybe the two or three of you reading this already know this stuff. Maybe you don't. I love to share information, and by expressing this, it helps me gain a better insight and knowledge into my own path. So, thank you for allowing me this indulgence!

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 3 day 3

2010-02-27T19:03:00.001-08:00

IMG_0357-1
Originally uploaded by markdeso

Today, the last Saturday of the month, we have weapons class at our Aikido school. last month and this month we worked on a set of katas representing "Sho Chiku Bai", or pine tree, bamboo, and plum blossom. The katas come from a series of sword work John Stevens Sensei created.

Although the series has many forms, we worked on the first six. They all use the shomen, yokomen, and tsuki strikes as responses to the attacks from uke.

Sword work is an interesting thing. Although we don't use live blades, we respect the sword as if they were live blades (and if you've ever been wacked in the head by a wooden bokken, it's not any fun). This raises the stakes for both partners. As an Aikido practitioner, it gives us the opportunity to exhibit more precision and hence more care into our practice in the "spirit of loving protection". When we come back onto the mats and do our empty hands techniques, hopefully we get a better sense of ma-ai and timing.

There are many more aspects of sword work and why it is good to practice sword techniques, but this is one of them that I don't really think about as much. It was nice today to practice outside with bokken and my son.

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 3 day 2

2010-02-26T07:37:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

Sensei worked with us on the ikkyo through yonkyo series last nite as well as koshi nage. Koshi nage is a throw similar to many Judo throws. We don't practice this much in our dojo and so we started literally from the ground up. We did a falling practice, first slapping the mat, then rocking back and forth on each side and slapping, then a roll into a fall, slapping the mat instead of coming up.

I practiced these types of falls when i was a kid doing Danzan Ryu Ju Jitsu and still appreciate Sensei's perspective on falling correctly. I always welcome going back to basics. It used to not be that way for me. I always wanted to "get to the good stuff" without realizing that it's all good stuff.

In O' Sensei's biography, the author writes about a demonstration O' Sensei gave with the spear, moving 20 bales of rice from east to north and west to south. The audience was very impressed with this feat of strength. However, the author writes, "For O' Sensei, this was merely a representative ability grounded on his daily training." I like how the author points this out and I believe that while we should rise to the occasion on tests, it should be in fact a "representative ability grounded on our daily training." Now to find my spear and those rice bales...

Today, I'd like to leave off with the following beautiful thought that the author quotes to us:

Tori mono iwazu. Shita onozukara kei wo nasu (Trees full of peach and plum blossoms don't have to speak to invite visitors; people will forge paths to where they are).

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 3 day 1

2010-02-22T22:43:00.001-08:00

Week 3 day 1, yo!
Originally uploaded by markdeso

Friday I met with a physical therapist about my shoulder. I injured it around the 3rd week of November. I took a fall from a throw and rather than rolling out of it I came down straight on it. For about 4 or 5 days back then I couldn't train, but it came back to about 85% of normal and that allowed me back on the mat. Unfortunately, there is still pain and I'm still not fully recovered. It makes it hard to sleep most nights. After a few weeks of on again off again (read inconsistent) work to try and rehab it I thought I better get a professional opinion.

So, my PT looked at it and gave me some exercises to do. He is stressing that I don't use more than 3 or 4 pounds, saying that we are trying to engage the smaller stabilizing muscles. My job now is to stay faithful to the program he laid out for me. hopefully in about a month we can see a difference.

We had a good class today. I haven 't been able to attend our Monday classes as of late but my schedule is all flubbed up with some training I'm having to do for work in SF. I have today free and a commitment tomorrow so I switched days.

Monday nights are our fundamentals night and I find a lot of benefit in taking a technique apart and working it slowly. I got an opportunity to work with one of our new folks. I find that I really like working with new people and I feel good about being able to show them some of the things that helped me when I started out.

Today, on the ferry, I read a little more on O' Sensei's biography. In the twenties he actually formed a volunteer fire brigade. The fire house (hut as his son refers to it) was apparently a place for the youth to congregate to laugh and sing and have a good time. O' Sensei would cook snacks for them and yell at them when they ate everything at the fire house. The kids took particular pride in being able to make a martial arts master like O' Sensei blow up at them.

These anecdotal stories paint a unique picture of our founder. He loved life and people loved him dearly. He was the epitome of joy, industrious, was always of service to others and very human.

Today before I left the dojo, I was talking to the Monday night teacher, Sasun about the book. I was telling him how I really enjoy the very human picture Kisshomaru Ueshiba paints of his father. He responded, "If O' Sensei was indeed super human, then I'd be disappointed because there would be no way to attain what he had." I thought that was incredibly wise.

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 2 Day 4 - Onegai shimasu

2010-02-20T19:00:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

"The true martial way halts violence with virtue and love." - Master Onisaburo to a young Morihei Ueshiba.

Today we worked on test format techniques, starting with shomen uchi ikkyo both from standing and kneeling positions. Ikkyo, "technique number one" is usually one of the first techniques we learn when we get on the mat.

Sensei once told us about a ninth dan Kendo teacher giving a seminar a few years ago. A young student heard about the teacher and wanted to see what secrets he could glean from the teacher so he came early to try and watch how the teacher prepared. To his surprise, he saw that the teacher was preparing for the seminar by doing the first sword strike you learn when you start Kendo. No tricks, no magic, just that one first strike over and over again. I appreciate how we start the testing preparation. We start with Ikkyo, "technique number one", "the first technique".

In Japanese, "Onegai shimasu" means many things. There is a good explanation on aikiweb here. We say this to our partners before we practice a technique. "Onegai shimasu", translated loosely into "let us begin." O' Sensei says that everyday is new, and so we are new everyday. So we start anew with our testing preparation, with the first technique. Let us begin..."Onegai shimasu."

La La Land, Neutrality, and a state of Embodiment

2010-02-19T07:45:00.000-08:00

A while ago I posted the following, inspired by my friend Linda Eskin:
http://markdesouza.blogspot.com/2009/11/for-my-friend-linda-eskin.html

The post had to do with the states of unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence and finally unconscious competence. Lately we've been working with some similar states of being at the Dojo. Sensei will work several classes on topics like this to allow us to see what our bodies do when we are in these states. At the start of this series, I asked Sensei if these three states are similar to the unconscious incompetence/competence that I wrote about earlier. He invited me to form my own conclusions.

So we are working with three different states of awareness Sensei has called "La La Land", "Neutral Zone", and "Embodiment".

He defines them as follows:
La La Land is a place we go to "check out". For me, it's a place I go to when I have a menial task at hand that I want to get done, a place I go to to avoid doing other things, or just a place where I don't need to decide anything.

Neutral zone is the state we are in when we realize that we need to shift into a place of more immediacy. We need to shift into this state because of many reasons. We are put into a position where we have to make a decision, where we have to be conscious and alert or the impending elephant stampede is at hand and we have to move.

The embodied state is a place that we inhabit when we are fully present. This state is hard for me to express. I started this post on 2/7 and have repeatedly gone back to this paragraph, scratched my head and shrug my shoulders as to how to describe it. I think it's best to refer to something Sensei said about his T'ai Chi teacher. He has had the great fortune being a direct student of Cheng Man Ch'ing. Years later, Sensei was interviewed by people writing about Professor Cheng and he was asked what he was like. Sensei thought about it and said simply, "He was always there." What he meant by that was when you talked to him, you always got the feeling that he was not only paying full attention to you, but that he was fully present in his surroundings as well.

So for this series on the mat, Sensei asked us to feel in our bodies what it feels like to be in La La land, what it feels like in our bodies to make that shift into the different levels of the neutral zone, and finally, to get a glimpse of what it may feel like in an embodied state of consciousness. He maintains that if we can feel what our bodies do and commit those things that happen to us into memory, then transitioning from one state to another is an easier thing to do. He also maintains that rather than shun ourselves from the state of La la Land, see what it is that we like about it and see how we can enjoy them in a more embodied state of consciousness. If we quickly try to remove this or put a judgment on this, then we are at risk of never fully acknowledging it and hence not able to make those transitions more quickly, and enjoy those more full embodied states.

Working this series at the Dojo, hearing other students talk about their experiences along side me has tremendously helped me understand this. Through their descriptions of these three states, I was able to form my own thoughts. Here is what I came up with for myself:

La la land - I see with my mind's eye. I'm seeing what I want to see verses what is actually in my surrounding. I'm hunched over, my head is down, my shoulders, lower back is tight. If someone is talking, I am listening but not hearing.

Neutral state- Rather than seeing with my mind's eye, I see what is actually there. I am aware of my visual surroundings, I am conscious of my posture and sit up straighter, I allow my shoulders and back to loosen and I hear the person speaking.

Embodied state - For me is not that much different than the Neutral State with one exception: I now have proprioception. I didn't know this word up until a couple of years ago but Sensei has mentioned this a couple of times. Proprioception is the ability to sense your body and limbs, relative to you. This sounds easier than it actually is. Wikipedia sums it up nicely in the following sentences, "proprioception is a third distinct sensory modality that provides feedback solely on the status of the body internally. It is the sense that indicates whether the body is moving with required effort, as well as where the various parts of the body are located in relation to each other."

I've enjoyed this series a lot. I think of all of this as a series of tools that Sensei gives us so that we can take our Aiki practice off of the mat and into our daily lives. For me, this does not just mean conflict resolution, but it also means the ability to tap into these tools in the creative process as a musician as well. Being able to feel present and alive with my instrument is a great benefit and my guitar playing grows much better in these states.

To answer my question at the start of this post, no. The three states that Sensei describes are definetely not the same as the spectrum of unconscious incompetence to unconscious competence. The state of La La Land, while may not be a conscious excursion is a purposeful one. We make the choice somewhere in our heads to go there, either to get work done, dismiss our surroundings, not accept the realities of our situations.

I'm looking forward to what Sensei has next, but in the mean time, I think we are going to start doing more test preparation for our upcoming kyu tests. Time to brush up on my Hanmi Handachi (where are those knee pads).

Onegai shimasu!

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 2 Day 3

2010-02-18T22:50:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

Attendance is up at the Dojo! We have 3 new students, two of which are brand new on the mat, and the other a Nidan. It's always good to get fresh blood in the Dojo. I love the people I train with but we start to get used to each other, how we do and receive techniques. New people give us the opportunity for a new perspective. It's not that different than playing with the same musicians day in and day out and then introducing a new person behind the drums. A whole new dynamic is created, sometimes just by having them in the same room.

Today, Sensei is finishing up his series on the three states he calls "La la land", "neutral zone" and "the embodied state". The techniques we practiced today were from the morote dori attack. Sensei made an interesting point about the fact that whatever state we normally operate in, we will most likely gravitate back to it. To combat this, we try and just simply catch these glitches, become aware of them and then work towards moving towards a fuller sense of self.

We had a nice training day today. The gentleman from Greece will be going home after this weekend and has invited all of us to where he is staying for a little party he's having on Sunday as a thank you for the opportunity to train.

O' Sensei's biography is still pretty captivating. The author makes a point of how O' Sensei devoted his time during his tutelage underHe writes that Sokaku Takeda, who introduced him to Daito Ryu Ju Jitsu. He writes "Master Takeda's marrtial techniques were impressive, but O' Sensei's devotion was even more impressive." Even as a student, O' Sensei shows the importance of deference and respect to one's teacher.

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 2 Day 2

2010-02-16T22:22:00.001-08:00

Drivin home from the dojo.
Originally uploaded by markdeso

Today was a fun day at the Dojo. Charlie taught and we worked techniques from yokomen uchi. The techniques we worked were irimi nage, kote gaeshi, Kaiten nage, gokyo and shiho nage. Each attack lends to a different flavor of a technique. The yokomen uchi strike allows me to play around with spiraling and blending more so than most other attacks.

It's been a really long time since I did gokyo and I was surprised to see that after firing off a few, it started to feel fairly comfortable. I believe trhat if you have your fundamentals down, then you can feel the similarities from one technique to another and draw from them. The main difference with gokyo I have to remember is the grab during the take down. Once I got that, it felt pretty smooth. There's always room for improvement but at least I'm not all left feet. :D

We have a gentleman visiting our dojo from Greece. He'll be here for another week or so. He is a black belt but can't be sure of his rank. Nice guy, and has good energy. It will be fun to train with him for the next couple of days we have classes.

I'm continuing O' Sensei's biography, "A Life in Aikido". It's a bit difficult to keep all of the people and places straight in the text. We are used to "Rohnert Park, California", "Marion, Iowa", and "Mohammed Ali". But I have a bit of a hard time with "Wakayama Prefecture", "Tanabe" , and "Takeda Sokaku". It's hard to, as a friend of mine who's studying modern Japan in a class were to say, "have a space in my head for all the names."

Still, it is a fascinating read. O' Sensei was a man of many many talents and worked hard to gain the physical prowess and strength that he achieved. He was also a champion of the oppressed. This gives me a different context to think of when I think of his notion of martial arts being for the "loving protection" of all.

Tomorrow, I'll look forward to the gym and hanging out with my son after work. I'm enjoying writing these series of blog posts and feel connected to my training both on and off the mat as I can stitch this stuff together on the screen as well as in the dojo.

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 2 Day 1 - Aiki field trip

2010-02-15T17:17:00.001-08:00

Gengo Sensei and me
Originally uploaded by markdeso

Today I took my son to San Francisco to train with Stevan Gengo Sensei at Aikido of Noe Valley. Before my incredibly long period off the mat this was my home dojo. I love training with Steve as he is always offering an interesting perspective on Aikido.

He stays true to O' Sensei's teachings and today talked about Ai (triangle) ki (circle) and do (square). Today he used an ushiro version of koto gaishi to demonstrate how these shapes represent the intention of movement and direction at the start of a technique, the spiraling and circular nature of Aikido through the technique and ending the technique with a solid and substantial frame.

I enjoy visiting Steve and have always enjoyed being his student. His Aikido seems to have grown. He seems like he moves with smaller circles, exerting less effort. Today, he mentioned the three techniques that O' Sensei says we should practice everyday, Taino Henko, Kokyo Ho and Kokyo Dosa.

In class Gengo Sensei is always working through things in his head to offer up for the next technique. It's fun to watch the gears move in his head as he walks around class. Most of all, I enjoy his demeanor. He is a truly gentle soul and always makes me feel welcome and encouraged. I look forward to training with him again in the coming months.

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 1 Day 5

2010-02-13T19:02:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

I was reading more from the book "A Life in Aikido" this morning. Early on in the book, O' Sensei's son Kisshomaru Ueshiba writes about O' Sensei having a bit of a selfish and childish streak in him. I scratched my head about reading this and wondered for a bit why he would include this about his father. I think he took the time to write this so that we understand that while O' Sensei was supremely talented in many things, he is still a man, prone to the same issues we have in our daily lives.

I remember a friend telling me about a therapist she went to school with. Her school mate was taken under the wing of a prominent psychologist and mentored for many years. She grew immensely under his guidance. One day she found out that he was having an affair. She felt terribly betrayed. My friend said that eventually though she came to the understanding that the message and teachings she received stand on it's own, even though the messenger had compromised values.

Now, I'm not comparing the two men at all, and in no way am I saying that O' Sensei had compromised values. But by Kisshomura's account, he was at times childish and selfish. I appreciate a 360 degree view of our founder though. I appreciate that we get a humanizing account of someone we often think of as bigger than life.

Today in class, we are still working on "La la land", "nuetral zone" and "the embodied state." As we use techniques in class to transition through these states Sensei asks what we do in our bodies and how we know we are at a higher state.

For me, I become aware of where my body stops and feel the direct delineation between my body and the world. I don't always have this awareness. Sensei talks about the concept of proprioception. Wikipedia defines proprioception as "the sense of the relative position of neighbouring parts of the body. " It's interesting and eye opening for me to start understanding this on an experiential level and relate back to these three states, and to start recognizing that internal shift that moves me from one state to the other.

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 1 Day 4

2010-02-11T22:31:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

We've been working on a few interesting themes lately at our Aikido school. Sensei has been working with the state of "la la land", "neutral zone" and "embodiment". I'm working on a more thorough post of these states that I will publish later but as a part of my process towards 1st kyu, I'll relate to it from that angle.

Some quick definitions:
la la land - that place we go to when we "check out". The place that we allow ourselves to go to when we are not present. There is some attractiveness to this place or magnetism but it's a place that leads us ultimately to entanglement.

Neutral zone - the state where we catch ourselves and start to pull out of la la land. We start to become present and in the moment.

Embodiment - the state where we are simply "here". We have all the attractiveness of what brought us into la la land, but we have it in a fully present state of being.

So the goal of the past few classes have been to simply realize that there are these three states, and note what things happen in the body when we move from one state to another. This has been an eye opening practice for me. There are MANY different states of La la land that I find myself in.

As of late, I've been in the following: My son has been having some tough times in school with his grades. We've been working with a tutor but it's been a hard road for him. The particular flavor of La la land that i go to is - Since Steven is not doing good right now in 8th grade, he will have a hard time at high school, won't get into college, work jobs where he will feel less than and have a difficult time for the rest of his life. Yes, I know it's ludicrous. But that part of my brain that goes there goes there for a reason. I think it goes here because it removes all the unknowns. I don't have to be present and can indeed check out because his path is already mapped out.

The fact is his life is NOT mapped out and there is a world of possibility between now and then. There is a world of possibility between now and the end of the trimester. In fact, there is a world of possibility right now. Seeing this, having the ability to be present and at the very least understand why I go there is a huge thing for me and very empowering.

O' Sensei founded Aikido with this in mind: “the martial arts are a way through which we fulfill our divine mission by making the spirit of the universe our own and fostering within us a spirit of loving protection for all things.” We cannot have the spirit of loving protection within us if we give up and resign ourselves to an outcome that is days, months or years away. Embodiment can only happen when we realize that there are a myriad of possibilities in front of us at all times.

Week 1 day 3 - Process vs Program

2010-02-10T08:25:00.001-08:00

Week 1 day 3
Originally uploaded by markdeso

I was thinking about this as I left the gym today. There is a difference between a process and program. I define them for me as:

Process: a series of things that you can do internally and externally to accomplish tasks and goals, get to the next plateau and churn the creative juices. Most important, it is something you can look back on and reuse for different situations.

Program: something with a start and an end date with definable and finite goals.

I choose to follow my process. Lately it's been "The process of getting to 1st Kyu." Sensei often talks about the ingredients of a process and how you take these ingredients, stir them up, cook them and let them sit with each other and pretty soon you have something different; you have stew. So right now, I'm gathering up the ingredients of my process. So far, they are tenacity, perseverance, patience and sincerity towards my upcoming test.

Sensei is a big proponent of asking the question "What did you get out of this process, and how can you use this to better your life?" This is paraphrased and an amalgamation of my few years of training with him. This is the message I feel I am asked by him. I'm looking forward to seeing what the answer is.

So today, I went back to the gym again, did my 30 minute circuit, and am now gonna try and shower, dress and leave within 5 minutes.

Onegai shimasu!

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 1 Day 2

2010-02-09T23:08:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

I started the book "A Life in Aikido: The Biography of Founder Morihei Ueshiba" by O' Sensei's son and the second doshu of the art, Kisshomaru Ueshiba . I only got through the preface and the first couple of pages. What was overwhelming for me was how much love and admiration Kisshomaru Ueshiba had for his father. I am looking forward to gaining important perspective of the founder of Aikido but for now, I am deeply touched by how much his son loved him.

Tuesday nights are taught by Charlie. Charlie is a 4th Dan Aikidoka and has a very solid and elegant style. I really enjoy his classes as they are a little more fast paced and we go over several different techniques. One of the attacks on my test is kata dori (shoulder grab) menuchi (strike). The attack comes off to the side and uke grabs the shoulder and raises his other hand at the face. We did several techniques from this attack: Ikkyo omote and ura, Irime Nage, and Sankyo.

I'm grateful to our dojo and our teachers for the help in preparation for our testing. It's always a good thing to see the dojo come together in support of the testing candidates in preparation of their next rank. I look forward to the coming couple months for the training and benefit of preparation for 1st kyu.

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 1 Day 1 - one more thing

2010-02-08T08:31:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

A coworker of mine is an exceptional classical guitar player. I asked him one day how he goes about learning new things. He tells me that before he starts to practice the piece he usually listens to a couple of pieces of the composers work, and tries to learn something about the author himself.

As Aikido is an art centered around O' Sensei, I think this time of preparation gives me a good opportunity to learn more about him. To this, I'm grabbing the book "A Life in Aikido" by Kisshomaru Ueshiba off the shelf. I bought the book a while ago but never started and will start reading today.

Road to 1st Kyu - Week 1 Day 1

2010-02-08T07:54:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by markdeso

A few months ago I wrote a series of blogs to get me back into the gym and be consistant. That seemed to work well for me. Subsequently, stopping that process has allowed other things in my life to come before my time in the gym, so I'm starting up again.

This time however, I am preparing for my 1st Kyu test at the Aikido dojo I attend. I am inspired by some of my friends on the net and the chronicling of their experiences with their challenges, whether it's learning a new technique or preparing for a test.

In preparation of my last test at 2nd kyu, I took a different view. Rather than "I have to prepare for my test and be good enough" I took the perspective of my test as a gift back to my school. The people that I train with from a few days off the mat through Yondan to Sensei have all had a part in my preparation and my ability. My test is a gift back to all of them to show them my appreciation for what has been learned on the mat.

So my posts for the coming weeks will be more frequent. They may or may not be more vocal. But I use this as a motivational tool and a way to keep me focused.

Onegai shimasu!

Does output always have to equal input?

2010-01-29T12:50:00.000-08:00

At that moment I was enlightened: the source of budo is God's love - the spirit of loving protection for all beings... Budo is not the felling of an opponent by force; nor is it a tool to lead the world to destruction with arms. - Morihei Ueshiba

I've been thinking a bit about the common training notion that "output = input" with regards to the uke/nage training relationship in Aikido. The thought is essentially, uke sets the pace for how hard he's thrown by the force of the attack. If uke wants to go be thrown harder then they come in with a stronger attack. If they want to be thrown softer then they come in with a softer attack.

lately, I've been trying to slow down the speed of my techniques. Even as an attack comes in faster, i try and slow down the rhythm of my partner and I, so that output (the throw) does not equal input (the attack), but slows down. This is a purposeful decision on my part. It does not have anything to do with furthering my technique. Rather it is to align myself with O'Sensei's thoughts on the "spirit of loving protection."

There is such wonderful metaphor in Aikido. The Aikido mat provides a microcosm of the world where we can find a safe place to practice conflict resolution, speaking our truth and meeting opposition with love. So lately, my Aikido practice involves slowing down the pace of the attack. Meeting the attack with gentleness. Although I'm tempted sometimes to throw strong I choose to throw softly.

This practice prepares me for the things that happen everyday: Meeting an antagonistic coworker with a soft voice and a smile; Not being affected by an agitated driver that cuts me off on the road; dealing with the daily pressures of life with ease and kindness. My Aikido practice changes as it always should. There are many lessons that are available to us on the mat. I'm enjoying exploring this aspect of my training right now.

On Gratitude - 2009

2009-12-31T20:55:00.000-08:00

I have had much to be grateful for this year. I am blessed with good friends, a smart, healthy son, some great guidance by an amazing teacher, and I was able to buy my condo this year. I am grateful for the gifts that I receive in the form of family, friendships, advice, all the small and big things that have given me the ability to grow, learn and love.

I have understood and made the distinction that, although we come across many instructors in our professional and personal lives, we come across so few teachers. A true teacher has the ability to transcend the discipline they teach and relate it back to our lives. They make their art truly alive and pertinent to our lives. I am grateful for the ability to be under the tutelage of my Aikido teacher, Bob.

Twitter and facebook have, remarkably, been a place that I have been able to connect, reconnect and meet new people with common interests. I am grateful for the many people behind the @names on twitter, and all those that I have friended on facebook. For some it may seem trite and irrelevant to have and cultivate online relationships, but there are people behind their twitter handles that have some great things to say. Some have become closer to me than I would have thought possible in such a medium. I stay grateful, happy and welcome for these friendships.

Moving into the new year and new decade, I wish you all much growth, love and happiness. I hope that we all can love the simple things: family, friendships and warm hearts. Happy New Year.

Onegai shimasu (Let us begin)!

Aikido, conflict and the basics of Tai no Henko

2009-12-12T07:44:00.000-08:00

One of the things that attracted me to the art of Aikido early on was the metaphor it used to conflict resolution. In aiki terms we talk about getting off the line of an attack, this was expressed with the example of someone on a train track. While it would be foolish to either run toward the train to stop it, or run away from the train to escape it, the most simple thing to do would be to jump off the track so that the train goes by.

Recently, one of our students very earnestly asked the reason we practice tai no henko. The teacher offered his answer and I have thought a bit more about this. It was one of the first things I learned, not just the actual technique but the "why" as well, that attracted me.

For people that may not be familiar, tai no henko is a basic practice where you and your partner stand facing each other. Your partner as the attacker (uke) reaches out to grab your wrist. When your wrist is grabbed, you (nage) step slightly to the side, turn and extend your arms out in the direction your partner is facing. Your partner holds on, keeping the connection throughout the technique.

A video on youtube is worth a thousand words:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDTMpFW8RCc&feature=related

For me, tai no henko is a beautiful practice. Metaphorically, it encompasses all we know about Aikido in the exercise. Standing face to face with your partner represents conflict. The wrist grab represents intention. Stepping off the line of the attack shows the willingness not to fight back but to let the attack go by, and the turning of the body represents the harmonious blending with your partner.

A while ago, Sensei talked about Aikido being the "third option", the other opportunity to express besides the fight or flight modes we find ourselves in sometimes with work, our personal lives, etc. I see that tai no henko is a wonderful expression of this. It is a basic building block of our art for this reason and in our training, we should look at this exercise as a time to practice Aiki just as seriously as any other technique. It is not "that thing you do till you get to the good stuff." it's all good stuff!

Onegai shimasu!

Week 7 day 1 - back to the regularly scheduled program

2009-12-07T08:10:00.001-08:00

I'm at week 7 of my routine. Circuit exercises for 30 minutes a day, 3 times a week at the local gym. I've seen a slow but steady increase in strength and endurance. Around week 3 I started going back to Aikido again, 3 days a week. I used some social networking tools like twitter and blogging as a way to make myself accountable for my work outs. This seems to have worked for me pretty well.

So, I have my routine now, built into my week. I feel that the next step is to not be vocal about it but just do it. I'm trying to forego the "it ain't real unless you post it somewhere" syndrome and allow myself the ability for accountability within my own head. For the 2 or 3 people that have read my blogs for the past few weeks, Thanks!

Now, back to the regularly scheduled programming.

Onegai shimasu!

Week 6 is done

2009-12-05T07:54:00.001-08:00

I'm trying to catch my breath. I've been quite busy, but did want to jot down a quick post to note that I've finished Week 6. I didn't post on Wednesday or Friday. However, I think it's more important to actually do the task at hand rather than lament over why I didn't blog it. :D

So, Wednesday went well. Friday, not so much. I was tired. Long nite. That's ok. I'm out to Aikido in a few hours, will add an additional day on Sunday, and will start week 7 on Monday. All good! One thing I need to be more mindful of. My times at the gym are slipping. I wanted to get there in the AM starting at 6:30. I haven't hit that once in the last few weeks. I need to get better at that.

Week 6 day 1

2009-11-30T08:01:00.000-08:00

OK, I made it. I think I'm coming down with a cold but I made it to the gym. After the first couple exercises I felt warmed up and was able to work at an almost normal pace. Last night I attempted some jumping jacks to start my calisthenics a few times a week and unfortunately heard a "click click click" in my shoulder. I still have some pain in my right shoulder from a fall I took at Aikido a little more than a week ago. I will ask my teacher to look at it on Thursday if I'm still in pain and by then, may go to the doc.

Till then, slow and steady is the way to go for me. If I can't go at full pace, I CAN go at a reduced pace. I'm going to add one more day too to fill in my tuesday. So hopefully by the end of the week I will have blogged "Week 6 day 4".

Reflecting on the Esoteric Teachings of Professor Okazaki

2009-11-29T07:06:00.000-08:00

After our Aikido class yesterday I had lunch with one of my Friends, Jim. We talked a bit about how we started in martial arts. I told him that my fist exposure was not in Aikido, but was in fact in Ju Jitsu when I was a kid, around the same age that my son is now. I asked him if he had ever heard about Danzan Ryu Ju Jitsu and he said that he had not. Danzan Ryu was founded in the late thirties by Professor Seishiru Okazaki and was the form of martial art that I started learning for a few years way back in my child hood.

I told him about the esoteric teachings as described by Danzan Ryu's O' Sensei, Seishiru Okazaki. I believe that every martial artist should know and understand these principles. A translation of his esoteric principles can be found here:
http://www.danzanryu.com/esoteric.html

To paraphrase and abbreviate:

Have gratitude to your teachers
Be gracious to your family
Be a productive citizen of your country
Do not be afraid of the strong or despise the weak
Show restraint and modesty
Be a good teacher to those who need it
Train hard and learn diligently
Remain calm in crisis

I love the fact that the art I started with is rooted in such love and respect. These are principles that can be used regardless of the art. These are principles one can use to cultivate themselves as growing and loving men and women.

In his esoteric principles he describes his art as Judo, elevated from Ju Jitsu and claims it to be a "finer moral concept called Judo, 'the way of Gentleness'". I am greatly moved by Professor Okazaki's esoteric principles. As he refers to "Judo" I do not believe he is referring to a series of techniques making up his art. Rather, he is referring to the more esoteric "way of gentleness" that needs to be cultivated to become a better person and live a better life. To end this morning, here is a quote from the esoteric principles:

"Remember always parental love and one's enormous indebtedness to teachers. Be grateful for the protection of Heaven and Earth. Be a good leader to younger men. To lead younger men well, will in the long run, mean to attain proficiency in the skill of Judo."
- Professor Seishiru "Henry" Okazaki

Week 5 Day 3 - Wahooo!

2009-11-27T12:16:00.000-08:00

Alrighty, then. It is the day after thanksgiving and I've completed Week 5 day 3. I've made it to hte gym 3 times a week for 5 weeks. I've added Aikido 3x a week for the last couple of weeks, and have gotten a walk in a few times a week as well. I think that this is a good mile stone. I think it's time for me to add some calisthenics at home now.

An excellent resource for calisthenic exercise is here:
http://www.humananatura.org/

The exercises provided here are good basic core, arm and leg exercises. No gimmicks, just the promotion of natural movement. Back to basics as it were. Tomorrow, I think I'll start with that and then move on into monday where I will start week 6, day 1 and Aikido that evening.

Week 5 day 2 - short and sweet

2009-11-25T19:17:00.000-08:00

OK, I got to the gym today and went through the circuit. I was at about 80% capacity weight wise, taking care to rest my shoulder. The take away from today... I made it, I got back into my routine, and my goal of consistency is still being met. Yay me!

For my friend, Linda Eskin

2009-11-25T06:02:00.000-08:00

Linda has been writing about Aikido and states that she is a beginner. She is new on the mat. I do not believe she's been training longer than a year. She maintains a blog at http://www.grabmywrist.com and writes everyday.

Aikido is lucky to have such an enthusiastic student. It is sometimes easy to get caught up in the mechanics of the art, and lose the big picture. We sometimes use terms like "beginner's mind" as just some things to say and forget that we should keep this mind set always. Linda's wonderment of our art and appreciation of how it affects her personal, spiritual and professional life is nothing short of awe inspiring.

Recently, she wrote the following:
http://www.grabmywrist.com/post/256731733/scanning-instruments
and it reminded me of a meeting we had at our work once. One of the chairs from our parent company came and talked about the stages of competence. Those stages are:

unconsciously incompetent
consciously incompetent
consciously competent
unconsciously competent

As an example of this, take someone who has always wanted to learn French. They go about their lives not realizing that there is a desire to learn the language and being unconscious about their inability.

Perhaps they go to a French movie and are moved by the tonal qualities of the language, see on the screen the expressive involvement that the attributes of the language allow for and realize that they do not know this language and want to learn it. They are now conscious about their incompetence in the language.

They go take a class, and another, and then another. They first struggle with "Oui" and "merci" but after a semesters worth of classes, they are now able to ask where the bathroom is, who put the pen on the table, and please pass the snails. They are now consciously working to be competent in the French language.

Then, after years of practice, studying, reading Voltaire, Baudelaire and Proust, trips to France, and discipline, they now can dream in French. They understand the small subtleties of the French Language. They can talk on a philosophical level with ease on the nature of man, God, and our universe. French, now has become as easy as breathing. They have become unconsciously competent in their mastery of the language.

This process happens in our art. I really appreciate Linda's blog, and I enjoy the metaphor from her recent post, "Scanning the instruments". When we do this more and more, we become more adept at our art, whatever that art may be. We can have that instrumental scan happen on a deeper level and as a part of habit verses conscious effort.

Week 5 day 1 - On persistence

2009-11-23T08:00:00.000-08:00

Recently, Robert Nadeau Sensei did a series of seminars. The theme was "Don't ask what you have to do to get 'this' done. Ask who you have to be."

I regret not going, however, I can do some thinking about this theme and take it to my own conclusions. There is a saying in T'ai Chi, "The mind moves the chi and the chi moves the body." I think that both of these thoughts are extremely profound. I am finding that both of I can enact both of these themes in my life, then I can live better and healthier.

I am one for small examples. I think that it is much more worth our endeavors to have small examples of positive action and thought than one big one. We can create small examples many more times than we can create the big ones. So, my small example today is this:

I took a fall in Aikido on Saturday. We were doing some free form training (Jiyu waza) and as I uke'd for my training partner, I got tangled up in his legs as he threw me. Rather than roll out of the throw I came straight down on my shoulder. I had never hurt myself in Aikido before and felt upset that I let this happen to me. I quickly thought that all of my efforts for the last few weeks would be for naught and that I would not be able to go to the gym for a few days or train.

But, Nadeau Sensei asks of us, "Who do we have to be to be to get 'this' done?" I think I know the answer. I have to be persistent, determined, patient and consistent. This doesn't mean killing myself. This does mean taking care of my shoulder with ice, ibuprofun and arnica cream and waiting till I got up this morning to see if I could go to the gym. My shoulder still hurt. It wasn't as bad as Saturday or Sunday but it still hurt. Well, there are other things I can do there. I can jump on an elliptical rider for 30 minutes. So I dd. 30 minutes. I may do this again on Wednesday and then attempt weights again on Friday. Part of the process for me is just simply knowing my limits, and working with them. This means I need to neither over or underestimate them. I can't lift, but I can walk. So I'll walk.

OK, I have to start my day now. See you next time.

Onegai shimasu!

Week 4 Day 3 - patience

2009-11-20T07:34:00.000-08:00

Today I completed my last work out of my 4th week. I am seeing the benefits of being more consistent in my training. I keep on adding weight, even just a little at a time. I'm also managing to get back to the dojo a few times a week. Currently, my schedule looks something like:

m - 30 min circuit, Aikido class at nite
W - 30 min circuit
Th - Aikido
F - 30 min circuit
S - Aikido

I've also started "brisk walks" around my campus at work. Walking is a simple thing that I keep on forgetting to do. Recently we added .25 mile markers. Once around is 1.2 miles and takes about 20 min walking briskly. I can fit that in too.

So things are good. Consistency helps in many different areas, my work, my social life, and lately, I've been feeling pretty good being more active. Next week, in the spirit of patience and not overdoing it. i'll just add a few walks.

Week 4 day 2 - short but sweet

2009-11-18T07:58:00.000-08:00

I finished week 4 day two. I didn't want to go today but made myself. As it turns out I'm still gaining strength, and am able to add 5 lbs here and 10 lbs there on some machines while maintaining good steady technique.

Onward to Week 4 day 3 on Friday!

The Silent Conversation of Birds

2009-11-17T07:19:00.001-08:00

IMG_4613
Originally uploaded by markdeso

I was watching two crows fly around a pond a few days ago. They both flew as if they were one. Keeping the same distance between them, they knew when to turn, whether they were going left or right, how far of an angle or how much of a curve they would make on their flight path as they circled the pond, and whether they would ascend or descend. This happened with no audible signal, just an innate "knowing" between the two.

I wonder how I can cultivate that in my life. How I can tune in to my friends, coworkers, family, my partner with the same "knowing". Conversation is always a good thing. Knowing how to ask for something, how to receive it and being able to communicate verbally is a wonderful skill. The birds went beyond this though. I yearn to have that magic in my life, where a relationship can transcend the verbal communication.

As humans, we depend on verbal communication. I very much enjoy the act of sharing my thoughts, dreams, stories, jokes and fears with people close to me. Conversations of the heart are an important part of human interaction. There are other conversations though, and if we look, dig inside, and know us intimately we can have them as well.

We have learned a lot from animals. Scientists gain perspective on the nature of play by watching bear cubs frolick. They gain perspective of familial activities by watching apes tend to their young. They gain perspective on group think by herd animals. Shaolin monks copied the snake, the mantis, the tiger, to incorporate into their fighting styles. I look to the skies and am amazed and intrigued. I want to be able to have a conversation with someone I love dearly, transcending words and voice. I want to be able to gain perspective on the silent conversations of birds.

Week 4 day 1 - secret of consistancy

2009-11-16T07:42:00.000-08:00

I'm figuring out that the secret to consistancy is to simply be consistant. I see people at my gym that live there. I decided a few weeks ago that I can do 3 days a week, and that I will do that faithfully. Part of the reason I blog is to keep a running tab on my work outs. When I look back at a string of tweets that say "Week x day y" i can feel that I've achieved something. I've added consistancy in my life, just a little bit more.

Last week I made it to the dojo three times on top of the three circuit work outs in the AM. I will commit to the dojo atleast twice a week for the next couple weeks and be happy if I can get a third class in too.

A good friend of mine is a personal trainer and is part owner of Undisputed Boxing Gym in San Carlos, CA. I remember a conversation a long time ago where he told me, that we shouldn't exercise to get stronger so we can go back to the gym and exercise and be stronger to go back to the gym and exercise more. He said that we should be going because being fit allows us to do run with our kids, play ball with them, enjoy a long walk, take a nice hike with someone we care about. Likewise, my Aikido teacher says that we should not live to train but train to live.

I'm glad that I'm reminded of this. So, week 4 day 1 is done. Just that much stronger and that much better on the stairs. Maybe one of these days I will be able to wrestle my son again and not be pinned inside of two minutes!

After the third week

2009-11-15T06:31:00.001-08:00

3 facts about the number 3:

This is the end of my 3rd week of being back to the gym
I've committed to 3 days a week and have fulfilled my commitment thus far
I've made it to 3 Aikido classes this week

So all in all this has been a good few weeks. I'm thankful for consistency in my life. I'm thankful for people who care about my progress. So, it is Sunday AM. It is cold in the house... I think it's time to turn on the heater and do some T'ai Chi.

Onegai shimasu!

Week 3 day 2 - corrections and trivia

2009-11-13T07:38:00.000-08:00

I just realized the last post I put up said "Day 3, week 2" when it should have been the other way... Week 3, day 2. I will correct this.

I don't have much but still feel the need to post past 140 characters via twitter. I went to Aikido last night. Sensei teaches Thursdays and Saturdays. it was good to see him and the class. Apparently, the bulk of the dojo is up for their next rank at the next test in about 5 weeks. I'm happy for them but feel a bit put out that I was not one of the candidates. However, it's obvious why I am not. They put in the time and I have not. They have dedicated 3 or 4 days a week and for the last 6 mos I was averaging 2 days a week at best. I didn't show up at all for the month of October. So, while I'm a little put out, it's clearly my issue. The training is there and it's available for me, I need to show the discipline to at least show up.

By design, Aikido does not have competitions. O' Sensei believed that the only competition and only victory can be over one's self. So rather than put out, I will work on the competition within. "True Victory is self victory, right here right now." I wish my fellow classmates much luck in this round of Kyu tests and will be there to help them as their peer.

Onegai Shimasu!

ps. Week 3 Day 3 went pretty well actually.

Week 3 Day 2 - of faith and inspiration

2009-11-11T07:35:00.000-08:00

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1)

I would rather learn from the multitude of small lessons that we can find hidden under rocks, inside a smile, in the gentle nod of a person walking by, then the bigger lessons. The smaller lessons can teach us much and are much more abundant if we look.

Today, I worked out, I was tired. I am still working at a good pace, but I was more tired than the last time. I will have faith that this will get easier. I in fact have seen it happen, so I will have faith that this journey isn't a constant arrow up, but rather a set of stairs that go in an upward direction, with the occasional step or two backward.

I like to think metaphorically, my work out is not isolated from other parts of life. It is an exercise in determination, just like my work day is, just like my Aikido, just like my relationships, and just like the inner work I do to be an open and loving man. Everything compliments. Compartmentalization leads to exactly that, a house that is not a house. A weird quirk of physics where it is a house, but all the rooms are separate from each other.

So I will have faith that my work outs will get better, which leads me to believe that if I can have faith in that, then I can have faith in bigger things... which leads me to the fact that I can have faith that this burgeoning, crazy love I have for a woman 2000 miles away will work out for us. We have to think (dare i say it... dare i say it...) out of the box, (ooooh snap, i hate that corporate speak, but i said it... shoot me) and unconventionally for our relationship to take root, grow and blossom. i am up for this, and so is she.

Of inspiration, I look to my beautiful friends Jennifer and Kirk. They were high school friends when Jen moved away, got married and spent 20 years in Canada. Somehow they found each other again. This inspires me greatly to see that love can thrive through the miles. I am touched deeply by their love of each other and inspired that I can in fact have that as well.

Till next time, Onegai shimasu!

Week 3 Day 1

2009-11-09T07:32:00.000-08:00

I've decided that 140 characters are not sufficient to relay my thoughts for my morning work outs. Read it, don't read it... it's ok! :D These are for me to reflect on. So it's ok if you roll your eyes. It's ok if you don't read. I'm going to commit to these posts for a period of 4 weeks. That will put me at week 6 by the time I'm done. So...

Some things I noticed:
Today there was a beautiful sun rise in Northern California. The hue of red and gold and blue that God painted on the sky was truly spectacular. Before I walked into the gym I took a moment to look, breath in and breath out.

I do have been doing the 30 minute circuit at my gym. This is similar to the Curves set up where there are step stations and weight machines, 10 each, interwoven so it's machine, step, machine step, etc. They have a light that turns green for 60 seconds and red for 30. On the first station for 60, off for 30, onto first stepstation for 60, and off for 30 till you're done. My first goal in this is to do this consistantly. I've committed to MWF in the AMs. I did this for two weeks and now I'm on to my third.

This third week I want to add two more activities. I haven't been to Aikido in about a month due to work being so crazy but I'm yearning to go back. I will do that today with my son. I will try and get a walk around the building a couple times sometime this week as well.

My biggest two issues have been (not just for exercise but for many things) patience and discipline. This process is a good exercise in building both.

At many Aikido dojos, we greet our partners with the term, "onegai shimasu." It roughly translates to "Shall we begin?". I think about this today, because regardless of whether class has begun, is almost over, are training partners stepped on the mat today or have been training along side us for years, we still say, "Onegae shimasu." I hear this in my head to myself, "Onegae shimasu, Mark. Shall we begin, Mark?" I answer with a resounding yes!

Multicultural Food and Music Festival

2009-10-10T16:32:00.000-07:00

I just came back from this and feel the need to try and reach EVERYBODY that is local to come and support this event. This is a two day event, it's free and the music was awesome. My son and I arrived when a duet was performing French folk music. We had a great local representation of restaurants including Bear Korean, El Malecon (awesome pupusas), Las Guitarres (bbq'd oysters!), Siam BBQ, and possibly the best corn dog I've ever had. Sukhawat Ali Khan performed with top notch musicians playing the sitar, tablas and digiridoo. There were probably 3 or 4 more acts before we came and one more htat was going to close the show.

The owner of Masala Jack's in Cotati and Zone Music helped with this event. The only thing that was sad to see was the lack of attendance. The festival is FREE people! The restaurants represented offered reasonable prices for lunch and snacks and there were some other very fun vendors selling everything from donkey books (yea you'd have to see them) to jewelry, to other typical festival fare.

I was most impressed at How Sukhawat Ali Khan performed in the midst of maybe 150 people at most. I saw him at the Harmony Festival in 2008 and he played his heart out. That was a full crowd. He played with the same energy and love for the 150 or so people that were gathered sparcely today.

They are going to have another day of this tomorrow, October 11th from 11am to 6pm. The festival is located at Old Redwood and 116, right across the street from Zone Music in Cotati, California.

People, this is a great opportunity to enjoy some music you don't hear everyday. It's also a great FREE thing to do, especially in tough times like these. I feel so proud of the local businesses that helped put this together. My hat goes off to Zone Music and Masala Jack's for doing this. If you don't get out there, then please support these guys:

Zone Music - http://www.zonemusic.com/
Masala Jack's - http://www.yelp.com/biz/masala-jacks-original-good-ol-indian-curryhouse-cotati
Bear Korean - http://www.koreandining.com/
Las Guitarras - http://lasguitarrasdecotati.com/
El Malecon - http://www.yelp.com/biz/el-malecon-rohnert-park

Lessons from a master

2009-08-29T19:18:00.001-07:00

Our Aikido school took a field trip today to the Asian Arts Museum in San Francisco. Currently, they are running an exhibit called "The Lords of the Samurai" that had artifacts depicting the cultural and combative aspects of fuedal Japan. It was a beautiful exhibit and amongst many beautiful displays, they had a calligraphy piece from Takuan Soho, several paintings from Miyamoto Musashi and one of the earliest editions of the Book of Five Rings.

We specifically went for an iaido demonstration given by one of the worlds foremost masters of iaido, Sensei Seigen Esaka, Hanshi 10th Dan, who practices the Muso Jikiden Eishen Ryu style of iaido. The demonstration was very modest. Sensei Esaka spoke for about 50 minutes through a translator describing Iaido from a historical perspective, gave some insight of his own involvement and growth in his art, and spoke about the tenets he has found through his sincere and dedicated practice.

It is an interesting thing to have a master who has dedicated his life to his art offer up these thoughts. We tend to think that we are going to hear some secrets of the universe when a man of his caliber offers up his thoughts after so many years of training. In fact, we did hear them. I will boil them down to four (and paraphrase badly). They are very simple:

Live and let live
Strive to get along with everyone
be dedicated to your art
Chose to always grow in your education of life

This is a beautiful confirmation of what we learned as 5 year olds, as 10 year olds, as 20 year olds, as adults. It is a glorious fact that we do in fact have our answers right in front of us. We do not have to go to mountain tops and fast for 40 days, we do not have to dedicate our lives to practices. We have our answers and they are the same ones we were told when we were children.

Esaka Sensei's demonstration was beautiful. There were only a handful of actual sword strikes he performed. They were not particularly fast, but there was something so beautiful about his expression of Iai. His movement was so fluid, so second nature, that his sword strikes are akin to how he breathes or how he walks. I was truly moved by the mastery of his movement, the distillation of his art and the simple essence of his sword.

Watching him reminds me of the prelude to the book "The Mastery of Music" where the author writes:

Isaac Stern was on the phone, speaking in advance of an appearance with the Detriot Symphony Orchestra in which he was to play the Bruch Violin Concrto. This was the fall of 1997. The great violinist was now seventy-seven years old, and it was no secret that his once impeccable techical command of the violin, purity of tone, and intonation had all deteriorated significantly from his prime. And yet Stern's performances still often managed to startle audiences with a dpepth of emotion and intellect that put to shame many of the whis kids that populate the concert scene, whippersnappers who can breeze through the entire standard literature without many any mistakes - and without making any music either.

How, I asked Stern, did he do it? How did he manage to retain ihis artistry when the calendar had robbed him of his hard-won dexterity, stamina, and perhaps even some of his power of concentration? Stern, who could be as charming as a kitten or as gruff as a grouchy hound, sometimes in the same breath, paused for a moment. "Of course there's a difference from how I once played," he growled. "That's not the point. The question is how I use what I can do." Then his voice softened, as if he was about to share a secret. "Technique is not music," he continued. "Music is the thousandth of a millisecond between one note and another; How you get from one to the other - that's where the music is."

Esaka Sensei's performance, not the start or the end of his strike, but how he got from one to the other showed a brilliant, elegant mastery of his art. It was truly an honor to be able to witness such a wondrous display. The message he left us with today transcends cultures and history:

Live and let live
Strive to get along with everyone
be dedicated to your art
Chose to always grow in your education of life

Beginners Mind - Reflecting on my son's first Aikido test

2009-08-01T08:54:00.000-07:00

My son is taking his 5th Kyu test in Aikido today. Although there will be other tests in his life on the mat, in school, in his career, this is his first in Aikido. He already has major accomplishments in Tae Kwon Do, currently ranked as a 2nd degree black belt, active in his school, displaying leadership skills, training hard and training joyfully.

I see him on the mat and it thrills me to no end to watch him grow in another art. It also makes me happy that his first test, gives him another avenue to explore: humility. I have no doubt that he will grow quickly in Aikido. He's athletic, coordinated, and picks up things extremely fast. He has a wonderful attitude and is always helpful. I hope that his test today is a reminder to always take with him a beginners mind, he keeps his mind open to new things, he continues to train joyfully, expresses the things in his heart. I hope that the short 5 minutes on the mat act as a simple reminder to him of all of these things. I also hope he doesn't beat up his uke (me) too badly during those 5 minutes. :)

Onegaishimasu! (Let us begin)

So now I'm on the far side of my 40s

2009-07-18T22:36:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago I celebrated my 46th birthday. The day before my sweet friend Tania took me to a wonderful dinner. I contemplated a couple of things I wanted to do on my birthday, and decided that I wanted to celebrate it alone, in my new home. For anyone that follows me on twitter or has friended me on facebook, they know that I have recently purchased a bank owned property, spent a couple of weeks painting and cleaning, and finally moved over the 4th of July weekend.

I wanted to make this a creative environment, so I took the time to paint the down stairs a combination of Butterfield Yellow, Jalapeno Red, and Sage Green. That, combined with a burgundy couch sold to me by my friend Rochana, an 8' x 11' rug I found on craigslist, my photos and a couple guitars hung on the wall (also aided by above mentioned friend Tania), and I think I have a nice place to come home to.

A big part of this was having my son help me. I wanted him to build some sweat equity into this place and feel that he worked to create the environment that we have. He really stepped up and did a great job. He was focused, willing and a very hard worker. I hope that he remembers this for the rest of his life.

So back to my birthday. I really wanted to spend the time at home. I planned on going to Aikido class, but had a few more things I needed to do at home. So my birthday was spent like any other day. Sorting some things, hanging out on facebook and twitter. It was also spent in quiet contemplation of some goals I've achieved, thanking God and being grateful for the friends and family I have, the job that I go to, and the many wonderful teachers in my life. My birthday was spent like any other day, or at least most days. If I can do that on most days, then my life is pretty wonderful.

Father's Day is done

2009-06-21T18:53:00.000-07:00

And today pretty much couldn't have been a more perfect day. Breakfast at Tubby's in Cotati is something my son and I do once or twice a month so it was fitting that we started there. We drove out to the coast and rented Kayaks from John at Lotus Kayaks (707 865-9604). John is a really friendly guy and has ridiculously reasonable prices for his kayak rentals. $20 bucks for the half day for singles.

The mouth of the river was actually closed at this time of the year, unusual for the Russian River. We kayaked toward the beach area and pulled our boats up onto the beach. Did some T'ai Chi in the sand and wind, and practiced for Steven's 5th Kyu test in Aikido. We had a chance to play a little hide and seek, take in more of the beach, and then kayaked back. We paddled around the island in the river and made our way back to dock. John met us there and helped us pull up our kayaks. The people in Jenner are very friendly. I stopped briefly to talk to a couple selling tie dyed shirts and they were pleased as punch to talk.

On our way back we stopped by the touristy area in Duncan's Mills. There are some nice stores and artist's galleries there. In particular, the nice gentleman at Jim and Willie's Antiques was friendly and cheerful. Willie didn't say much. He preferred to sit on Jim's lap and have his belly rubbed. (Willie is a bichon frise that is almost as cute as a certain Shi tzu I know named Lilikoi.) Worldy Goods is a nice store with fun fair trade oddities. We spent a bit of time there looking at the art and antiques and talked for a few minute with one of the woman at Worldly Goods. She was very sweet and helpful last year taking a special order for me and calling me when it was ready. The item was a flying pig that I bought for my mom on her birthday. Goofy? yep!

Cafe des Jemelle in Monte Rio is a great little place for lunch. Once or twice a year I throw my diabetes to the wind and have lunch there and finish it off with a deep fried banana split. They had just about the best rueban I've ever had and after we got to play pool in the bar while enjoying our dessert. Coming home we cranked up Third Eye Blind, Oasis, The Replacements and The Police.

Steven is a great companion to go on trips with. He is always helpful, always seems to have fun when we go places and, well just makes it so perfect to be a dad. I'm totally glad to have had this time to share with him today!

Father's day

2009-06-20T20:25:00.000-07:00

The eve before her daughter's birthday, my friend Alicia commented online about how she remembered that night. How she remembers the music, the labor and the beautiful anticipation of welcoming her daughter into the world. As a man, I can't possibly know what it's like to go through the throes of labor. I can absolutely remember the anticipation I felt welcoming my son into this world. On the eve of his birthdays, I can the hospital, the joy and anticipation both he and his mom had. We wondered if he was going to have a huge head of hair or if he was going to be bald. (He was bald). He didn't cry a lot. Only when he needed to be fed.

I've have been honored with the opportunity of being a father, offering my son love and guidance. I've had the supreme pleasure of watching our infant son grow to the young, respectable, funny, thoughtful boy that he is today. I remember telling his mother, that i didn't care if he had a face only we could love, I didn't care if he was slow to learn in school, if he couldn't catch a ball, if he wasn't coordinated. My only wish was that he be nice and kind. He has grown to be a nice and kind boy. He's also very smart and handsome. I saw him excel past the other children when he took up baseball or soccer. I saw him bloom and grow when he took up Tae Kwon Do. I saw his determination when he decided that Tae Kwon Do was his main passion and he put his heart and soul into his art, dropping baseball and soccer, achieving his first degree blackbelt when he was 10 and his second degree when he was 12. I see him always helpful to his mother and respectful to me.

Father's Day is a day when us men who have had the opportunity to be blessed with the title "father" be honored. I am honored as a dad. I am honored because of my beautiful son. The life he lives daily honors both of his parents. I in turn, honor the memory of my father by striving to be a dedicated father to my son. i am forever grateful that I had a hand in bringing my son into this world, and try everyday to be the best dad I can.

The Third Option

2009-06-13T09:13:00.000-07:00

Every six months or so our Aikido dojo holds a beginners day. We open up the dojo for our sensei's energy class, Yang style Tai Chi and Aikido to the public. This gives opportunity for our Sensei to talk about not just the fundamentals of Aikido, but one of the fundamental essences of the art; dealing with conflict.

We normally deal with conflict by either fight or flight. We fight back directly with the thought that if we meet force with enough force, we can overcome. We sometimes take flight thinking that if we can avoid conflict or close our eyes real tight, the conflict will eventually go away. Sometimes these techniques work. Sometimes we can meet conflict with conflict and overcome. Sometimes we can in fact avoid conflict by closing our eyes or stepping around it.

Our sensei talks about the third option. This option trains us to still maintain our integrity, be present in the face of conflict, but rather than meet conflict with force, we move off the line and allow it to go by us. We keep focus of what's behind the conflct and try to resolve the bigger picture, not the initial strike or blow. We deal with conflict in an honest and loving manner.

I have a long way to go in my training. I am better at dealing with conflict. I can always improve though. Sometimes I rise up still and meet conflict head on. Sometimes I close my eyes and hope that conflict will simply go away. But I find that I can take the principles of Aikido off the mat and into my daily life. We measure our lives through progress, not perfection. I am appreciative and grateful that Aikido can give me tools to find progress and growth in my life.

How KodenKan spirit helps my Aikido training

2009-05-10T20:37:00.000-07:00

I've been tired lately. i'm attempting to buy a condo and it's.. well it's draining. Lots of things to think about, what do these reports mean? I have to pay what to which appraiser? All of this, along with a back that's been bugging me and work kicking my ass is taking a toll on the time I spend at the dojo. i'm averaging 2 days a week now on a good week.

I thought a bit today, not about the Aikido training I do at Aikido of Petaluma, but of the KodenKan school Jujitsu I did as a kid. Kodenkan (ancient tradition school) stresses that the senior students teach the junior students. This tradition is something that is informally practiced at our dojo, without affiliation to the Kodenkan school. Everyone at our school has a voice and is encouraged to speak their voice, from sensei to sempai to the person that just walked on the mat five minutes ago.

What I'm thinking is simply this: We are a community. It honors our teacher to show up to class. It gives us the opportunity to have another mind and body and allow those that we train with the opportunity to train and experience a different person, a different way of attacking, a different way of taking a fall and a different way of throwing through this person on the mat.

"But what could I possibly offer? Surely there must be others that are better equipped to teach someone?"

As a student senior to someone else, I can simply offer my experiences and my way of moving through a technique. Since I'm a bigger guy (Think Sumo lite) then I can offer inspiration to someone else that may be hesitant to get on the mat because of his size. As a student junior to others, i can offer my humility and willingness to learn something from someone else. These are the ways we can honor ourselves, our school and our Sensei. Although the Danzan Ryu system is much different than Aikido, the concept of the KodenKan school can transcend to how we view our participation in the dojo.

I think that this is a much different concept than just paying your tuition, showing up and learning techniques. I've learned compassion, patience, kindness, openness of body, mind and spirit. Aikido was created by a man who could not be defeated. He decided that there must be more to technique and winning, and thus, came to create our art for two main reasons: the loving protection of others and the polishing of spirit. Through our training we learn to live in teh world happy, fearless and joyful. These are well worth me coming back with more regularity.

Web 2.0 Expo - Trip Report

2009-04-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

A couple of coworkers and I went to the Web 2.0 Expo at the Mosconi Center in San Francisco, CA today. Although the turn out seemed to be rather sparce. There was still good information to be had. Here are the highlights of what we saw today.

Session - How to leverage Social Marketing for Search Engine Marketing
We started out with a session called "Optimizing Search Results with Social Media" sponsored by Verio Web Hosting and featuring Heather Lutze, Internet Marketing consultant. She had a wealth of great information. She started off with the important point about search engine ranking and using longer keyword strings to find users that are not casually browsing but in fact ready to perform some kind of action, whether buying a product or service. She contends that a search for "web hosting" while yielding millions of hits, is not as valuable as "web hosting for small business". There are much less hits for "web hosting for small business" but the people that are doing searches using a longer more focused string of keywords are much more likely to buy a service or product than someone using a less descript keyword search. Wehn writing for the web, phrases like that should be put in title tags, meta data and the body of your document whenever possible.

Links from the presentation:
http://www.verio.com/ - Sponsors of the presentation
http://www.lutzeconsulting.com/ - Heather's professional site
http://lutzeconsulting.com/Verio - Slides from W2.0 presentation

Keyword search tools
https://adwords.google.com/select/KeywordToolExternal
http://www.keyworddiscovery.com/search.html

Book Suggestions
Don't Make Me Think - Steve Krug
The Long Tail - Chris Anderson

We then went to the main expo hall where we interacted with several vendors. There were some good and some not so good presentations. Here are the highlights:

Denodo Technologies - Mashup company that claim to organize structured and unstructured data for use by the enterprise.
http://www.denodo.com

Yola - Web building service that allows drag and drop web building that is done in the web browser. Yola's services are targetted towards small businesses and personal web pages. They offer an amazing amount of web tools in the stie construction process.
http://www.yola.com

Jive - Jive provides social media software packages to businesses. Out of the box, their packages include scalable and configurable tools for blogging, forums, and other collaboration.
http://www.jivesoftware.com

Financial Content - Providers of businesss news, stock quotes, company and profiles, executive profiles, currancy rates for display on internet and intranet sites as standalone widgets, xml or rss.
http://www.financialcontent.com

Blue Kiwi - Offers software and services for the creation of collaboritive/social sites and tools.
http://bluekiwi-software.com/

Twinsoft - provides enterprise mashup technologies. We were most impressed with them. Their edge over the other mashup technologies is that they can utilize both screen scraping technologies as well as web services to produce their mashups. They can even utilize the green screen from legacy mainframe technologies in their mashups.
http://www.twinsoft.com/

JackBe - Provides enterprise mashup technologies. They provide some interesting point/click drag/drop tools for visually creating mashups.
http://www.jackbe.com

HiveLive - Provides collaboration tools for the enterprise.
http://www.hivelive.com/

This was a good event for us to go to. Hopefully this will spawn some interesting discussion at work on the implementation of enterprise 2.0 technologies in the near future.

What I didn't say in class

2009-03-30T06:53:00.000-07:00

Author's note: Agh, I've been woefully neglectful of my blog. I started this last post in late February. I've decided not to change anything in the original post, but simply finish it. Now I can self evaluate my process and get better at this.

I've been sick and haven't been able to practice aikido much in the last week and a half. it will be good to get back on the mat this evening, The last class I went to was taught by Sensei, who comes in to teach on Thursdays and Sundays. We've been working on O'Sensei's concepts of the manifest (physical), hidden (dream/imaginary state) and divine (the place where love, connection to the bigger picture, and spontaneous creativity "takemusu" come from), and expressing each of these levels in our techniques. This was a beautiful and intense class for me.

Throughout the class, Sensei would ask us to check in and describe how our technique was feeling in the context of these levels. At the manifest level, I felt very solid and broad based and I described the feeling I had as a mountain. As we worked through the next level, the hidden, my thoughts changed to "how would a mountain act if it was a living breathing soul?" My technique changed, it got more deliberate, as mountains take their time to do anything, my technique slowed down, I relied on the tenacity that a mountain would have that eventually something would change. And it did. I felt the same connection to the ground, felt the same connection to my center but felt that my techniques were slowed down, they became more effortless. Finally, at the divine level, things changed. I myself on top of the mountain. I felt alone, but not lonely. I was the mountain, but I was it's owner as well. I felt love, compassion, and embraced it. My technique felt lighter, there was less need for external movement. I felt a beautiful connection to my partner, the dojo and my Sensei.

Sensei does an interesting thing that I've not experienced in other Aikido classes. He goes around the room and solicits feedback from us. This is a practice I've had to get used to. Most other dojos will let the student come to their own conclusions off the mat about how they connect with Aikido, and what meaning it holds. However, in our dojo, it's an integral part of our process. It's not for everyone, and it wasn't for me for a long while. Since I opened up to this I feel that my Aikido has grown immensely though, as have I. As he went along and asked us for feedback, it came to be my turn. I started to speak but quickly found myself overcome with emotion. That's never happened to me before. It wasn't a bad thing. My love for the class at that moment was overwhelming though, and I didn't properly say what I wanted to say. So now I will say it.

The predominant school of thought in martial arts training is to train yourself to not think, but rather be instinctive in a conflict situation. There's nothing wrong with this, lest I be admonished by other martial artists that read this. I would hope that if I ever had to defend myself that I wouldn't be plagued by hesitation due to how I "think" or "feel" about the situation, but rather just do what I needed to. This mind set is needed everyday by police officers, doctors, firemen in truama situations. The thing that I'm most grateful for however, is the way Sensei asks us to use our uniquely human qualities of thought and evaluation to look at our technique and evaluate. This is something that is so much bigger than martial techniques but yet embodies the spirit of Aikido in all that we do. As a spiritual person, it is my duty to evaluate my actions in order to get to deepr levels within myself. @aikidoMAC, someone I follow on twitter, tweeted the following quote from O'Sensei recently: Begin the week with AGATSU - O Sensei says,"True victory is self-victory; let that day arrive quickly!” Self victory comes from the human process of self evaluation. Self evaluation is sometimes a double edged sword. Too much, and the inner critic raises it's ugly head. I need to keep in mind two simple things about self evaluation: It is a tool for getting better at something, and it does not change what has happened. Onegai Shimasu!

My Journey for the New Year

2009-01-01T00:35:00.000-08:00

As a part of our New Years Eve celebration my son and I practiced T'ai Chi a little before 12:00 until a little after. I got the idea from hearing that many Aikido schools have a new years class that starts at 11:30pm on New Years Eve and ends at 12:30am. This signfies ending the year and starting the year with aikido. Since we both practice different martial arts, but also, both practice t'ai chi, I thought that we can take this thought and carve out our own ritual. As firecrackers went off, and neighbors hooted and hollared, we were doing "single whip", "waving hands at clouds", "white snake creeps down" and "golden pheasant stands on one leg". It was a great time of reflection and looking forward into the new year.

My friend, Ana Ammann recently asked me what my goals were for 2009. I liked her question a lot. It made me think about my goals I put forth for 2008. I decided in 2008 I would explore more of my creative side and I set forth upont those goals by getting back on the Aikido mat, keeping with my T'ai Chi practice, doing ball room dance, sharpening my photography skills, and keeping the mindset of creativity as much as I can. These actions allowed me to look at my work life, my family life, my friends, and my relationships with a creative and artistic eye.

For 2009, my goals have changed slightly but still on a creative path. The important thing that I'm adding is how I'm going to be creative. For me, 2009 offers a chance to do some internal creative work. This means looking at the light and dark corners of my mind, and doing some tried and true exercises like journaling, reading, and turning a little more inward. I'm not sure how this looks but I believe that I can find a path and a journey to begin by looking inward a bit more than I did in 2008. I am excited by the prospects.

To all, I wish you a wondrous new year.

9 hand positions to start my day

2008-10-18T10:19:00.000-07:00

For the past few months I've been looking for some kind of ritual that resonates with me. I needed something to bring some stillness in my life before I start my day and a way to connect to the universe around me. I spent a little time talking to a friend of mine who is a yoga teacher. She had completed a 40 day meditation and I was impressed with the discipline she had to complete it. She stressed the importance of being consistent with a practice so that it becomes ingrained, start with something simple, and see where it takes you. This is interestingly and not surprisingly how we start all of our new endeavors. it was good to hear that this works with meditation just as it does Aikido, T'ai Chi, ballroom dance, guitar, or anything else I've tried.

With regards to the specific needs that I needed to fill, I think I found it!

In our Aikido class on Thursday, Sensei did a very interesting exercise. We used hand positions (mudras) derived from the Shingon Buddhist sect as a kind of check point for a single technique. The practice went something like this:

Sensei would introduce the mudras, talk about what the mudra signified from an energetic or metaphorical perspective
We would hold the mudra for a moment with our partners and practice the technique
Discuss as a class how the mudra altered the technique, what did we gain, lost, what experienced

we repeated this through the rest of the mudras.

This was an amazing practice, and it was just what I needed to incorporate into a ritual that resonates with me and allows me the ability to connect. As someone beginning a practice, I stick with the obvious, I don't try to go to more esoteric levels right now, so I stick with the more obvious thoughts that the mudras represent. As I start out, I take a moment to center myself and make myself present, then start with the mudras. I hold each position for 4 deep breaths and repeat the cycle a total of 3 times. We've recently been talking about cleansing rituals (called Misogi) and this has become my ritual of Misogi.

The nine, described by Sensei, are as follows:

Hands joined together, as in prayer. Palms are not touching and creating space in between - This is symbolic of the womb. A place of creation. The first mudra is a great way for me to focus on the creation of a new day. It allows me to feel the fullness of the womb, insulated from outside, comfort, warmth, and safety.
Left hand facing, right hand on top. Palms together at heart level - This mudra represents the Ying and Yang. Form the Tao Te Ching, the Tao produced the one, which gave birth the two, which gave birth to the ten thousand things. This allows me to think about my duality, my left and right, forward and back, up and down, dark and light. If indeed the tao made the one, and the two, then I have aspects of duality as well. This practice gives me the ability to hold the two close at heart and accept the totality of who I am.
Fingers interlaced, index fingers point and touch at the tips, thumbs line up next to each other, hands at heart level - Signifies direction and intention. This brings focus and singlemindedness of thought. This is a great tool for me because by the very nature of my job, I am constantly multitasking. I believe that this will help me find another way to work.
Hands are slightly below the belly button, both hands face up, left sits over right, thumbs come together and almost touch - There are many circles that come into play in this mudra - the belly button, the circle that the hands and thumb form, the circle the arms form. I think about the cyclical nature of things, how efficient movement is circular, and the relationship of circles to spirals and back to circles.
Index finger of right hand out, riest of hand baleld into fist, left hand wrapped around index finger - The yonic and phallic symbols the hands form represents the masculine and feminine. Through this, I see how again, we have two sides, soft and hard. It allows me to think of the differences and ismilarities of male / female interconnection
Hands come up to heart level, palms are together as in prayer - This is simple but beautiful, the mudra allows me to think of center. The hands held together gives me a great sense of devotion to God and the universe. This helps open me up to the sacredness and beauty of all things. At the same time helps support me and hold up my center.
Hands are held up at heart level, palms are facing up, edge of the hands come together - Another simple but beautiful position, this is the mudra of giving and receiviing. Holding this position reminds me of both the act of giving and receiving. Both are equally important. The giving but also the receiving of help, service, gratitude, love and kindness holds relavence for me. Sometimes I'm not good at either, sometimes I'm good at only giving, or only receivng. The palms open can be held equally for both. This is a great reminder for me and a great way to focus my minds eye on the act of giving and receivng.
Arms are extended and hands come together palms out, tips of the index finger are touching and the thumbs come togeher to make a triangle space,. this allows my gaze to focus through the space at a single focal point - This is symbolic of Mind, Body and Speech (thought). This is another way for me, similar to the thrid mudra, to think of a singularity of purpose, it allows me to concentrate on how Mind, Body and Spirit come together and integrate to bring my uniquely human experience to light.
Hands togehter at heart level, fingers interlace tightly - Finally, as my fingers interlace, I think about all these things, center, devotion, masculinity, feminiity, dark, light, devotion, love, service are tightly woven to make up the totality of "I". It allows me to concentrate on the bigger conncetions, how there is no randomness, no coincidence, how I am connected through love and light to alll things.

One of our teachers, a friend of mine that teaches at our Aikido school talks about the fact that when we perform cleansing rituals, we give power to the rituals we undertake. That said, everything can be a ritual if we choose to make it so. This gives me great comfort in seeking out my own ritual of Misogi.

Aikido as self defense

2008-08-15T19:45:00.000-07:00

it's interesting to read a thread on youtube about how aikido is fake and doesn't have any practical applications in a "real street brawl." I totally agree! And I totally disagree!

The most important thing for me to be mindful of is why I train. I train to explore movement, understand my body, become more aware of how I present myself to the world, how I move by myself or with another, or several people. Most important, there are great metaphors in the concepts presented within the framework of Aikido that I can take off the mat and into all other aspects of my life.

I am lucky and blessed to have the Aikido teacher I train under. Our training is pretty unique. It is much gentler than I've been accustomed to from other dojos. We talk a lot more about the techniques we practice in a class session almost as much as we train. We check in and verbalize what we feel about a particular level we come into at a technique, Sensei gives us some tools to visualize how to better that level, and we have a few more go rounds, to try and move the level up a notch or two or eight.

It's hard to do this. I would have been content to just have Sensei demonstrate a technique, work on it for five minutes, have him demonstrate another, work on that for a bit, etc until class is done. But when I finally gave it a chance, (5 months ago, when I came back for the nth time) I started finding out something really interesting about my progress. I start seeing that there is only one attack and one response... the attack being, "anything that can happen at the time" and the response as being "anything that is the appropriate response." Wiithin this mindset, I find that I'm free to improvise, move, and the different manifestations of that one response can be whatever they want to be, be it irimi nage, tenshi nagi, etc.

Sensei is a big proponent of asking us to look at why we train, and not be misguided by thinking we can do what we cannot. A fight is a fight is a fight. We cannot ask our confronters to prearrange how they will attack us, or wait for us to straighten out our clothes, get into hamni position and then proceed to attack us. The danger in our training comes in thinking that we can do what we simply can't. There are other arts that are better at teaching practical application than Aikido. MMA, Brazilian Ju Jitsu, Wing Chun, some of the Israeli Commando fighting arts like Haganah are all systems of practical applications in a fight situation. But does this rule out Aikido as practical self defense? I would say most definetely not.

The biggest difference is when we choose to defend ourselves. A good defense could simply be being aware of your situation. Understanding the energy of a location and avoiding it is as good a defense that you can have as well. A kind word, rather than a reliance on physical ability can do wonders for everyone involved.

Sensei tells us of a time once where he was in a movie theater and a man stood up after the movie was done. Someone behind the man wanted to see the credits. He asked the man to sit down but he didnt' move. He asked him a couple more times. No reaction. At this point he started coming toward the man. Sensei was witnessing this and noticed that the man standing up had a hearing aid. He simply said to the man behind, "Hey, the guy has a hearing aid and can't hear you." No ego involved, no need to posture and get physical. Sensei said what he said in a calm collected way. That diffused the situation. No one was hurt, no egos were bruised, and the man standing in front walked away not knowing that anything had gone wrong.

if it ever comes down to brass tax and a physical conflct can't be avoided, I truly think that aikido training will help. The awareness that we gain through training, the calmness under pressure and the ability to think on our feet will carry us through. There are many stories on the net of physical confrontations ending favorable for the Aikidoist. Personally, I'd like to think that the best use of our "self defense" skills is the love that comes from us, and the ability to keep out of situations altogether.

Skipping Stones

2008-08-05T16:30:00.000-07:00

My father died 3 years ago on July 13th. 3 days shy of my birthday and 4 weeks shy of seeing my brother and me for the first time in about 9 years. If the universe revolved around me (and sometimes I truly think that it does) I would venture to say that this was incredibly bad timing on his part. However, we don't pick the time when we get brought into this world, and we, for the most don't get to choose when we leave for better things. My dad and me had long periods in our lives when we didn't speak. As child, in my teens, as an adult. He was simply not around and I did not get to experience a lot of what little boys, adolescents, young men and adults experience with their dads.

But we did skip stones when I was a kid. he'd challenge me to find the better stone, who had the biggest skip, the most skips, and we'd be out there for a long time. There was no talking....our attention was focused on our silent competition. There would be the occasional grunt of success, or "awwwww" at the loss of a perfect rock improperly thrown and kerplunking in the water... such a waste. But there would be my dad with his grin, a Camel's non filtered and an impeccable throw.

So I'm back from a short camping trip with my son. Of the things that he loves to do, he loves to find a skipping stone. He gathered them up greedily, like a leprechaun might horde gold. He brought them to our camp site before our final night and made sure that he had them tucked safely away, lest another leprachaunish child with cruel intentions and the audacity and cojanes to raid our campsite for his precious find. None of this happened obviously and this morning we sat at the river and quietly, he threw his rocks. Some of them were doozies... skipping twelve, thirteen, maybe fifteen times across the river just shy of the bank on the other side. I watched him and the memories of my dad came flying back. I said more than once, "Your grandpa would have been proud." "Wow, I don't think that your grandpa would have had anything on you."

There were many things that my father didn't see. Never saw me play guitar. Never saw me struggle over homework. Never comforted me when I was dumped by someone i really liked in highschool. Never gave me lectures about underage drinking. Never helped me drive a car. And I never did get to see him that final time. We were three weeks short.

But all of this doesn't matter. We skipped stones. We sat and laughed and taunted each other. We had the silent and not so silent bond of a father and son. My dad was the biggest man in the world. His love for me in that moment was infinite... and I know that he carried that seed with him for the rest of his life. Regardless of how deep it was buried or how many years went by. I know this because I experience it with my son. I experience the silent love that only a father and son can experience.

I hope that I will be in my son's life for as long as I'm alive. I hope that I can watch him grow into a man and share those same simple moments with his child. Those slient, almost silent and not so silent moments are like gold. I will hungrily and greedily hold them close to me, like a leprechaun... or more aptly, like a father who loves his son dearly.

Seeing the optimal path

2008-07-22T19:05:00.000-07:00

In last nights Aikido class, I had an interesting revelation. The ingredients of my revelation included the putting green (I don't play golf) and time lapse photography. I'll try to explain. Maybe I'll do a good job and maybe I won't. We were practicing a technique yesterday, "shomen uchi ikkyu" that involves connecting to an overhead strike, and then taking the energy of that strike and moving it safely to the ground for a pin so as to not hurt the attacker but effectively neutralize the attack and pin the attacker so he cannot do any harm to himself or others.

I noticed that when I was doing a really good technique, there was an optimal path that the attacker's hand drew. The downward arch of the strike just seemed to "fit" into the curvature of the deflection, blending and redirection of his energy. This curvature turns into a spiral, and comes to land on the ground. If i could draw this in the air with light, I'm convinced that the trail would look like a totally natural path.

I remember drawing light in the air with my friend Patti a few years ago. We had some fun with some glowy balls, and long exposure photographs. We would, in fact "draw in air". This thought of drawing light in air helped me visualize the optimal path for this technique. Subsequently, when I didn't pull of as good an attack, I was again able to see the path that I drew, but not natural, sometimes stunted, disproportionate, or jagged, as if I was not serving the optimal path appropriate to the speed and trajectory of the attacker's strike. It was a very enlightening experience.

So why did I mention golf? I don't play it. It occured to me that really good golfers can see this path on the putting green. They can see how hard they need to hit the ball, the angle the ball will take and the curves, seemingly unseen by others, that the ball will need to take to sink into the hole. To me this practice of finding the path was no different. It was a great class.

Aikido is such a great art for me to practice because there is so much metaphor I can take onto the mat, but more importantly, off the mat too. The concept of the optimal path doesn't have to be grand scheme of things. It can be the path to settlng an argument, the optimal path to getingt a job done quickly and efficiently, the optimal path to loving wholeheartedly. There is also a difference between "optimal" and "quickest". Optimal implies just that. The optimal path... the path that brings to bear the most scenery, experience, knowledge and wisdom. Sometimes that path can be quick, but it doesn't have to be,

Summer Solstice

2008-06-25T19:43:00.000-07:00

My son and I went camping over the weekend. We went to Gualala, probably one of the most beautiful spots in Northern California. On the summer solstice we went to a spot overlooking the estuary and the ocean and waited for the sun to go down to take some pictures. While we waited, we did our Yang style short form.

Moments like these are nothing short of amazing. My son has been training in Tae Kwon Do since he was 7 years old, and has had his black belt now for 2 years. I think that this is a great accomplishment for him, but part of the attraction for him is that he gets a chance to mimic some of his screen favorites (Jackie Chan, Jet Li). So it pleases me to no end that he started T'ai Chi training with me over a year ago and has stuck with this as well. T'ai Chi certainly doesn't offer the gang buster high kicks that his other art does, but he has an appreciation for the softer and yielding forms that he may not have gotten had he not started practicing.

So being able to do the Yang style set with him, overlooking such a beautiful coming together of the Gualala river and the pacific ocean, with the sun setting on the summer solstice was a really awesome and powerful experience for me. It was a great day to be alive!

Father's Day

2008-06-15T17:07:00.001-07:00

Today is Father's Day. It was a purposely ordinary day. We cleaned a little, did laundry, went to a movie, had lunch, talked, laughed, swam. So although it was an ordinary day, it was a perfect day.

On the way to dropping my son off back at his mom's, I took a moment to tell him this. Some people's life accomplishments are building a company, composing an anthem, writing a novel, discovering fire. My crowning achievement in this life time is Steven. He is special in so many ways, but most of all, he is nice, kind and has a good soul. I believe that he will grow up to be a great man. He will achieve greatness simply by the fact that he will touch the hearts of those around him.

Father's day is a time that we honor our dads, grandfathers, and us fathers are given acknowledgment of the time and effort it takes to be present, happy and joyful in our children's lives. But I see this also as a day to acknowledge our sons and daughters. It is a truly an honor to be the father of my son. I keep this with me close everyday. Everyday I give thanks for him and find that my love for him grows all the more.

Rhythm and Timing

2008-05-31T09:04:00.001-07:00

I've spent a bit of time lately thinking about rhythm and how it relates to both Aikido and music. I've played guitar almost all of my life and as a musician, I've understood the importance of rhythmic patterns in music. If I am to play with other musicians, then this is the framework that we communicate our musical expression, through the rhythm of the music.

Rhythm happens in everything, and it naturally happens in Aikido. Form can only be achieved through several moments in time and it's timing and rhythm of a partner that I see I need to address most if I'm to be fluid in my technique. The act of blending with a partner smoothly is done through the understanding and acknowledgment of their own rhythm; too fast and you will end up hurting them, too slow and the technique can be weak.

I remember having a music teacher talk about the same thing. He was on a piano and was talking about technique. He talked about playing in the lower registers of the piano and then having to moe up many keys to the higher register to play a high note for a piece. He demonstrated this by playing notes on the lower register, pausing and then finding that he has to hurry up to the higher notes of the piano to still keep time with the temp and rhythm of the piece. He then demonstrated his movement where as he finishes the last notes of the lower register, he doesn't pause but rather moves fluidly to the upper registers. There was little or no aural difference but the point he was making was that it aids the musician in his piece of mind to continue confidently, to feel centered and grounded as the performance goes on.

So almost 30 years later I can take this and not only apply it to my music but allow it to cross over into my Aikido training too.

Aikido and music have much to share. The term "Harmony" is first, a musical term. In music, harmony cannot happen without the concept of time, and the frame work that allows harmony to happen is rhythm. If I am hurried in my technique, cannot harmonize and find my partners rhythm, my Aikido will be no good. Neither will my music. More importantly, there is a voice and an inner rhythm that I need to pay attention to and allow myself to heed the ever changing rhythm inside.

I'm looking forward to my class this afternoon. Onegaishimasu!

First Katori Shinto Ryu Class

2008-05-28T21:04:00.000-07:00

I've been having a growing interest in sword arts for a while now and have slowly gathered up the keikogi, hakama, iaito and cleaning kit to join Aikido of Santa Rosa in their Katori Shinto Ryu training that they offer. So, I had my first class at Santa Rosa Aikido. I really enjoyed it! It was tiring, my hakama kept on slipping down down, but it felt really good to be there. I spent the first half hour learning how to bow in, lay out my sageo, bow to my sword, etc. There is a lot of ritual surrounding this art and as I have somewhat of an understanding as to why, practical reasons are: you are working with a weapon that can have lethal consequences if it inadvertently slips out of your hands. The ritual surrounding the entrance onto the mat heightens your awareness and respect to the sword and the training you are about to undertake. I worked on my first draw, strike and resheathing of my sword. It's interesting to watch everyone make it look so easy when it seems so awkward to resheath my blade.

After we were done with the iai portion we went onto the 2 person kata practice. I was a bit out of my element and overwhelmed. There was a lot of information to digest at once. (thank god for youtube) but i think that we need that sometimes. i like being overwhelmed and then after time and diligence, the light bulb turns on. The people are really nice and very helpful. My biggest woe is having to figure out how to keep my hakama on... thats my first priority... I am tired today, I'm sore in weird parts of my body, and I have a big grin. I had so much fun!

Surrendering to Center

2008-05-17T21:14:00.000-07:00

After a long long haitus, I've been back doing Aikido training for 4 months now. Mondays we have a beginners class that i make a point of going to because I enjoy the instructor that teaches that night and I feel strongly about spending the time working on the basic building blocks of my art. It's something i didn't have the patience for before but now I feel that it's an absolute necessity. I heard a classmate yesterday say something that was very profound, probably one of the most profound things I've heard on the mat. We were describing what "center" means to us, and more important, what we do with our center. She said simply that she feels the need to "surrender to center".

What this means to me is that center happens. "Center" is that element of myself that I cannot avoid. it is me, the good, the bad, the ugly. Therefore, I happen. I happen everyday, whether I am alone, with my lover, my son, my friends, my coworkers. Surrendering to center means that I need to embrace my demons, make peace with them and thoroughly love me for who I am.

In Aikido, our techniques work much better if we have a partner that can take a good throw. Working with a good partner can be akin to finding a really good dance partner, someone who can take the energy you give them in your technique and do wonderful things with it. Or when your partner throws you, they can throw you in such a way that just feels right. Sometimes in our training though we get partners that don't have as much experience than we do, perhaps they are not mentally on the mat that day because of something else going on in their lives. Maybe they are obstinate and will make it hard for you to throw them, or even worse, throw you harder than you are used to. It's an interesting microcosm that the mat presents.

"Surrendering to center" means that all i can do is my best when I'm throwing or being thrown. If my partner is uncooperative, inexperienced or over-experienced, these elements of my training are out of my control. I can only do the best that I can with the tools that I have. Everything else that happens will happen the way it was meant to. The lesson I can take off the mat, that seems to be repeated in my life is sometimes I have no control over other peoples actions, but I do have control over mine. "Surrendering to center" allows me to do this, to blend and become ok with the inevitability of life, the future and whatever good or bad things will come my way.

There are many terms where I've heard center used in similar context. "Move from center", "find your center", the concept in Wing Chun of "taking the center line of your opponent", etc. But I've never quite heard "surrender to center". Those three words have, in a moment changed, or rather solidify how I view Aikido, how I train and how I live.